Letting go of Control

I'm back :)  I took a few days off to reflect and think about my last post.  I just needed a few days to be in my head.  While it's really scary and hard to figure out what's broken, the best part is once you know, you can work towards fixing it.

For me, it's all about control, I want to control things, I want to know if I do XXX, than it means XXXX will happen.  While at times, this may hold true, I cannot control the outcome of all things.  Nor would that make life exciting and fun.  My daugther is an example of that, I wasn't quite ready for her, but God knew differently.  If I had control of all things, she wouldn't be part of our lives today. 

A close family member had some health issues this past week.  It scared the heck out of me and it was another lesson it what I can and can't control.  I cannot control his health or the outcome of his health.  I can just love him and enjoy each day I get to have him in my life.

While I may not be able to control my emotions, I can control my reaction to them.  I can control what I make my goals, I can control what I define as success.  I can control what I do to "fix" the problem.   I've already started looking into some counseling to deal with my anxiety with control.  I'm confident once I have the tools to deal with this, I will be ready and willing to implement them.  

I changed my goal time for this weekend.  Instead of focusing on time, I'm going to focus on giving it 100% .  I will not hold back in the least.  I will do my Triathlon knowing that I did everything I could, everything in my power to be the best Mariah I can be.  If that means more then 2 hours, so be it, I can't control time clock, I can control myself and how much I'm willing to give.  I will prove to myself that giving 100% matters and is a measurement of success.

When I'm feeling the need to control and get overwhelmed my current tool is going to be saying the Serenity Prayer.   God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the   things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. 

Thank you for your support and kind words.  I'm so excited and nervous for Trinona this weekend.  I have such a great Tri family and can't wait to see them.  I'm so amazed at the wonderful people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis that are hear to help support me on my journey in being the BEST MARIAH I can be.

Unstoppable "finding serenity" Mariah