Confession

I have a confession to make, I’m a food addict.  This week was tougher then it has been in a while with food.  I was up 1lb this week due to my poor food choices.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the end of the world.  The great part is that I’m really working on feeling the feelings.  I’m just still working out the kinks.  I was so numb before it sometimes becomes overwhelming to feel so much now.  I need to continue to ask myself “what the hunger is really telling me?”   If it really a need for food or a need to stuff my emotions down.  If it’s emotions, I am trying to figure out what I’m feeling and the cause of it to deal with the cause.  I’m so confident that when I figure this out, I will really unlock something powerful.

This past week I’ve had so many questions running thru my head.  Since I no longer live in a numb fog and starting to learn so much more about myself, I’m starting to question my life in different ways then I ever have before.  I feel like my journey, my struggles have a bigger purpose to them.  A co-worker of mine (Jerry Eklund) had MS and passed away from cancer.   Instead of his faith withering away, it grew stronger than it ever was.   He wrote a passage that was in his memorial card at the service. 

I believe God has a divine plan

And purpose for His creation.

The universe is unfolding as He planned.

No plan of His can be thwarted.

I believe God has a plan for my life,

And it is unfolding as He planned.

I believe God allowed me health challenges

Into my life to mold me for His service.

He knows what’s best for me.

I will bear the suffering because

It is His will that I should.

His wisdom appointed this for me.

His grace will make it work for good to me.

He’s molding me to be more like His Son.

He’s deepening and strengthening

My faith and trust in Him.

He’s making my dependence

On Him more completed.

He’s using my journey to influence

The journey of others.

Jerry Eklund

I wonder what my life will unfold, where I will end up, how I can continue to pay it forward.  What can I do to make a difference in the world?  Do I have the courage to rise to the challenge and overcome my struggles?  Will I stop fighting God’s plan for me and accept it?  Will I learn to stop being afraid and learn that my support system will catch me when I inevitably fall as it’s all part of learning to get back up?  Do I have what it takes to get over being emotional addicted to food?  Like I said, lots of questions running thru my mind, but it’s great because I’m allowing them to be there.  I’m allowing myself to think about it, I’m allowing myself to look for the answer.  

I will leave you with some wonderful news, today is my first total no boot day.  My foot is weak but my pain level is only a 2.  I’m so happy to be getting back on my feet.  Tomorrow Paul runs his first 10K, I’m so proud and happy for him.  He’s come so far and is amazing.  I get tears in my eyes when I think about it, I’m so happy to continue to watch him in his journey and thankful to be part of it.  I’ve even convinced him to write a guest post about his run tomorrow.

Unstoppable “overcoming food addiction” Mariah