Back and Stronger then EVER!

J  Unstoppable Mariah back, stronger and more persistent then ever. Hello my friends, it has been wayyyyyyy too long.  I’m really excited to be back and super happy to be posting.  That is a GREAT feeling.  I sorta had a mini (okay maybe not so mini) episode of major anxiety and some depression going on.  I wasn’t comfortable or even sure how to blog about it.  I was anxious about being anxious which made me even more anxious.  I wouldn’t drive my car for a few days because I was convinced it was going to malfunction.  That’s not even the ½ of it.  Long story short, it wasn’t good. 

I started therapy, medication and getting back in touch with my spiritual side.  It’s made a huge difference.  Regardless of losing my weight before, I failed to deal with why I put the weight on.  When I stopped eating to cope I didn’t learn new coping strategies, unannounced to me, things slowly starting piling up and then one day something small shoved me right off the edge.  So not in line with my holistic approach to getting healthy.  At first I was ashamed, but I’m not anymore.  Instead I’m extremely proud of myself. I now understand the core issues which brought me to over 300lbs.

 

I realized I was ready to blog when I’ve been able to deal with recent events in a pretty healthy manner.  We found a lump on Hannah’s rib (she’s 11 ½), one doctor blew us off, so we saw a second doctor.  This doctor took the lump more seriously.  During an x-ray they didn’t see the lump rib, but found a nodule on her lung.   The lung nodule turns out to be a harmless benign lung granuloma.  It just sounds scary, but it’s really nothing to be worried about.  No sign of the rib lump on x-ray or ultrasound. Next step is to see a Pediatric Surgeon on Wednesday.  He will help decide what we should do next, possibly a CT Scan or repeat x-ray.  He’s one of the best peds surgeons in MN.  This doesn’t mean Hannah will need surgery, rather that she’s got the best doctor possible and he’ll be able to provide direction and answers.  The thing is, I’m calm.  Hannah’s calm, Paul is calm.  Granted the first few days I did internally FREAK out a little.  I starting telling, okay more like threatening God (yeah, like that works), that he didn’t dare take Hannah after taking my other babies away from me.  Then I stopped, found stillness and came back to reality.  The God I know and love is the same God I knew and loved before we saw the lump on Hannah.  Hannah is going to be fine, in fact, Hannah will be FANTASTIC.   There has been nothing showing us any differently.  God asks me to find stillness and trust in him, so I will do as I’m ask, faithfully.  This my friends is growth of the biggest kind for me.

My blog will be taking a little bit of a different focus, more than weight loss, I’ll be focusing on holistic health.  It will range from weight loss, to mental health, spiritual growth, managing work/school/motherhood/wifehood (he he, my new word).  I’m happy to start this new chapter.  I’m thrilled to be here and glad to have you with me.

Unstoppable "non anxious" Mariah