Did you hear that snake?

Living with anxiety has it humorous moments.  Usually those moments come far after the anxiety has passed and I look back at how ridiculous my thoughts were.  Take this morning for example.  I awoke to hear a strange almost hiss like sound.  I wasn’t the cat hissing but almost sounded snake like.  I heard the cat meowing so I decided the cat must have found a snake in the house.  When the cat stopped meowing I decided the snake ATE the cat.   Yes, the snake must have eaten my 12lb cat.   I was too darn scared to get out of bed to see a huge snake with the lump in the shape of a cat to get out of bed.  Moments later I heard the cat move around and there were no more hissing sounds.  The world was once again peacefully normal.

I assure you, this really were the thoughts that went through my mind this morning.  I can look back now and find it utterly funny.  Thinking back to the pictures in my head, how I jumped from a strange sound, to a dead cat eaten by a huge snake and back everything is okay in less then 3 minutes; I giggle at myself and shake my head.  Yes, this is what it’s like living with anxiety.  Somehow the irrational become rational, not only rational but REAL.   

My anxiety turns into crippling fear.  Tonight during my run I began to appreciate my willingness to push through my fears.  I haven’t been as active as I used to be, but I’m getting there, yet I fear not being able to complete my runs, my biking, my yoga.  That I’ll be too slow, to fat, I’ll get hurt, I won’t be able to breath, people will laugh at me, you name it, the tape that play in my head is NEGATIVE NELLY.  Regardless, I got out there and I did the best I could today.  I stopped the negative tape instead I focused on positive things.  I thought about the 5K I’m doing this weekend with my family and a friend.  I’m so darn excited to do it even if it will take me 50 minutes to cross the line and last year I was close to being under 45 minutes.  I’m going to stop being hard on myself for what I can’t do and give myself credit for what I am doing.  That’s what being “unstoppable” is about J

Unstoppable “postive focused” Mariah