Parting with the past

Good Morning and happy Saturday.  I'm still a little sleepy from 2 nights of little sleep.  We had a blast last night at the Palmer Lake Carnival for Hannah's school and were lucky to have my 2 nieces Megan and Ella to join us. 

I'm starting to notice small differences with my weight loss, one of those differences is not being camera shy.  I used to hate getting my picture taken, I hated the person it show because it never reflected who I felt like I was.  Now when I get my picture taken and look at those pictures and they are starting to match who I feel.  I also slept on my back last night, again something I haven't done in forever and my dog was able to sleep on my stomach.  My stomach is flat when I lay on my back . . .totally something new, intriguing and surprising.  I'm kinda liking it, I find myself touching my stomach more often cause I really don't believe it's new shape.  I'm starting to wonder if people will think I'm prego cause I touch it so often.  What a way to start rumors!

This week I started cleaning out my closet . . . again.  I got that same choked up feeling that I've gotten in the past.  My first thought it so scold myself for being so silly, why would I be sad to get rid of my "fat" clothes.  Instead of scolding myself, I decided to think and examine that feeling.  I figured it out, some of those clothes, they have great memories.  While I'm proud and excited about the person I'm becoming, I've always loved myself.  It feels a little like I'm throwing my old self away.  It's hard to part with some of my old traits and realize they won't come back.  Lets face it, there are some "bonuses" of not caring about what you eat or look like.  Planning my food, being honest about who I am, working out etc, it requires work and dedication.  I had alot more free time before.  That's not to say I'll ever go back, but every shirt I put in a bag to donate to goodwill, means that "free" time, while I'll get more balanced, will never be what it once was.  I'm not sure I'll ever get to the point of eating a donut or cake without asking myself at least 3 times if that's a choice I really want to make.  Speaking of cake, I had the most wonderful piece of cake yesterday for a co-workers birthdays.  Costco cake is the bomb!  It was a smaller piece and I couldn't eat it all (okay, there was only a little left behind, but it counts), that's another new thing, I used to be able to polish of BIG piece of cake and go back for more.  I was very satisfied with a small piece and am totally okay with eating it.

My Birthday is next week and I need to renew my drivers licenses.  Again, goes back to the picture thing, I used to dread getting this done.  My drivers license picture shows my round hugo face.  I am so excited to go today, get my picture re-done and guess what else?  I'm going to put my real weight for the first time since I was 21!  I'm so proud and excited to do so!  I find this so amusing and funny.  I never thought I would be excited to show 253 on my license.  WHOO HOOO!!!!

Paul and I are going to try running and biking outside today.  My ankle had been acting up with all of my activity, I'm going to try keeping my ankle wrapped up during the week to see if I can't help it get back to "normal".  I'm feeling rather anxious about getting outside.  Between my allergies (darn snow mold) and my ankle I'm scared about set backs.  I need to remember to take one step at a time, one day at a time.  I will be confident that I can overcome any obstacles, after all, I'm unstoppable Mariah, right?! :)

Unstoppable picture loving Mariah