So I must sadly and embarrassingly admit I fell off the wagon. I’m not only admitting this to be honest with all of you, but to be held personally responsible myself. I know I’ll have slip ups, but darn it’s a slippery and steep hill. It started innocently enough, a vacation day at home, a small treat. Dinner out at one of my favorite restaurants, Benihana (AKA Fantastic Flippy Food), well I over indulged. I had a coupon for my birthday, so I of course “needed” Rocky’s Choice (steak and chicken) and for some reason I decided I also “needed” fried rice. I’ve never ordered fried rice before, but it was by birthday. While I was pleasantly plump by the end of dinner, I got free ice-cream, I of course “needed” to eat it, and it was by birthday month celebrated from Benihana. The next morning Paul and I went out for breakfast, while I ordered whole wheat pancakes, turkey bacon, chicken sausage and egg whites, I ate more then I needed to. This is actually painful to type, but important to be honest, so I’ll air my dirty laundry for all to see. Then Paul and I went to a movie . . . I’m hanging my head, we got popcorn with butter sauce. I know I’m shaking my head at myself too, what the heck was I thinking. So then we went and met my sister for lunch at Chipotle, before you panic, I only ate ½ a burrito, Paul and I split one. By Friday night I felt sick to my stomach; my body just cannot handle eating like that. The worse part, I used to eat like that all of the time, which explains why I weight what I weight. On Saturday, I still felt awful and I came to a startling realization, that’s how I always felt physically. I always felt that crappy, I was tired, my body hurt, I felt literally weighted down and crabby. Seriously, it was crazy! I never realized how awful my body felt when I ate so crappy. I didn’t fully appreciate the impact my food choices had on my mood. I guess I always thought food made me feel better because it made me feel full instead of empty. I mean like seriously when I was eating flippy food, I was happier than a pig in poop. It was my over indulgence that did me in. In the future when I choose to splurge by going there I will do the following: 1) get chicken only, 2) get plain rice and not eat it all, 3) even if ice-cream is free, I’ll pass. In some ways I’m glad I fell off the wagon and had this light bulb moment. Without falling off the wagon, I would still be in the dark. But the big point I really want to make, for any of you out there, that are overweight and feel crappy, you can change it, you can feel better, you have the power to make it happened!
I did get my hair cut this weekend. I wanted to look different, I’m struggling some because I feel so different on the inside, and I wanted my outside to reflect this. I asked to get 4 inches cut off, but I think she cut off more, then again maybe its cause when it’s curly, it’s really short! I feel sassy, my poor husband suffers when I do these things, and I think I may have asked him like 20 times if I looked cute. Even more so today when my co-workers failed to notice my cute new style, he’s been very supportive and willing to sooth my insecurities. Not that everyone should notice every little change, but I was just a little sad after chopping so much off.
I have a cold and I can feel and hear rattling in my lungs so I haven’t worked out the past few days. I’m starting to crave it and feel unbalanced without it. I find that rather humorous since I still HATE (yes hate) the treadmill. I’m finishing up my last class of my current class and start a new one on March 22nd. I’m still debating how I feel about these short classes, they are intense but I love how fast they go. I’m trying to figure how I can balance these classes with work, home and exercise. I guess in so many ways that’s always the key right. I’m back on the wagon and back on track!
Unstoppable a bit bruised from falling off the wagon Mariah
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