Finding calm in Chaos

I knew this feeling was coming, I just wasn’t sure when it would hit.  The feeling of drowning with no life jacket as I’m gasping for air.   Family, work, school, homework, training, eating healthy, it’s tall order.  Something is bound to fall thru the cracks occasionally.  I’ve slept poorly the last few nights and it caught up with me.  Instead of going to the gym like I had planned to (we even left St Cloud earlier then normal to accomplish this), I took a nap.   Mind you, it was a HEAVENLY and much needed nap.  It helped me clear my head and get focused.  I’m starting to appreciate how much sleep plays an important part in a holistic healthy lifestyle approach.  I begrudgingly worked on Econ homework while Hannah played Wii and Paul went grocery shopping.   This is a task we used to do together but in our “new life” it’s something we now tend to do separate.  It’s ironic that I spent the night reading about opportunity cost.  There are opportunity costs with a healthy lifestyle.  Whoo hooo, look, I’m an Economic Genius . . okay maybe not, but hey, I found a way to apply an Econ theory to real life, a bonus to help make it stick in my mind. 

After feeling so overwhelmed today, I decided I needed to implement some changes.  This is all a learning processes that requires tweaking and changes along the way.  This week, I will not weigh myself everyday, I’m going to PROMISE to only do this twice a week.  Tuesdays and Thursday are my happy love my Wii weigh in days.  Paul is fond of schedules, me not so much, but after feeling like my list of to do’s is more then I can bear, I decided I needed to at least give one a try.  I wrote down a tentative schedule of homework, family time, training etc in excel.  It feels better just seeing it on paper and it feels like something I can accomplish.  One of my biggest road blocks right now, is giving up the guilt I feel for the added responsibilities I’m handing over to Paul and feeling like I’m missing out on time with Hannah.  Paul went to school full-time and worked full-time, so I know what it’s like on the other on other side.   Paul is more then willing to take on this additional workload with no complaint, it’s purely me putting up the barriers.  In all honesty, Hannah is getting older and while she loves me, she doesn’t need me or desire me to watch her every move.    I started thinking of what I had the influence to change.  Light Bulb (Despicable me voice in my head)!  Hannah is going to start jogging with me on Thursdays.  She loves running and enjoys being part of my healthiness journey. She got a huge smile when I asked her about it.   A check mark goes in the balance column!  A totally doable schedule . . . another check in the balance column.  Being willing to let Paul take control over housework and making meals . . .a HUGE check in the balance column.  I will do all of this and work hard not to feel guilty for it, Yeah me for being willing to let go and accept change!!!!!

Pam and I nailed another 5K down Saturday.  I’m becoming to love this routine.  We plan to do it every weekend until Breast Cancer 5K on Mother’s day.  She got me the cutest top and jacket for working out.  It’s pink, I love pink!  The fact I got up at 7:00 am on a Saturday to go jogging with Pam is a true reflection on how much I’ve change in a year.  It’s like a workout and therapy session in one.  Who could ask for more?   We shaved 5 minutes off of our time last week and feel confident in the progress we will continue to make in the next few weeks.  I love seeing the changes within her, she’s also changing from the inside out and it’s beautiful and amazing to watch and be part of.  She pushes me but also keeps me in check from being too hard on myself.  I guess you could call her a reality check! J

I had a great birthday Friday and promise to blog about it more this week, I just didn’t want to make today’s too long and was feeling sharing about finding calm in chaos to be more important and fore front at the moment.   Thanks for everyone that takes the time to read my blog, your words of encouragement and your willingness to be part of this journey helps in keeping me unstoppable!

Unstoppable, still figuring it out, Mariah