Happy Hump Day!

Today was a much better day.  No issues getting to work and when I signed in, I had an email from my friend Heather that made me smile and reminded me why I'm on my journey and why I share it.  Thank you Heather :)  Then I got to talk to Jen (priorfatgirl) and it was wonderful.

I'm back into the swing of logging my foods and am feeling great that I ran both Monday and this evening.  School went well even with me being quite remedial when it comes to Economics.  I really like the professor, she's very bright, funny and a total geek.  She's exactly the teacher I need to get thru this class. 

Paul came with me for my jog tonight and it was so great to do it together.  I did it alone on Monday and while I don't mind, it's was nice to spend the time with him.  He's great about pushing me beyond my comfort level and giving me positive feedback when I do well.  I love that he's willing to help me push my boundaries.  I did learn a very valuable lesson Monday, one must wear the right undies when running.  With losing weight and buying "less functionalble" underwear, I forgot to change into practical running ones.  It's hard to jog and hold your underwear up with one hand and a water bottle in the other.  What great people watching onlookers must have had.  I bought Paul great sweat sucking boxers, I wish they made them for girls.

Tomorrow I have a very exciting and fun lunch plans.  Heather has invited amazing women to lunch at her house.  I'm excited to meet new people, this is something that is still is a little outside my comfort zone.  However, I'm finding new confidence in myself and am more willing to take on new challenges. 

Unstoppable "taking it one day at a time" Mariah

ARGH!!!!!

Well that about sums it up.   My day started of crappy and the middle was crappy, at least the end is looking up.  My weight was up on the stupid Wii board, but I have to take responsibility for that.  I didn’t log my foods or drink as much water as I should.  Today I got back on track and logged diligently.  After feeling frustrated and angry, I thought about the book, The Last Lecture by Professor Pausch.  I choose to be a Tigger; I will not be an Eeyore.  Tigger’s bounce, they rock and they accomplish things.  I will reach my goal, setbacks or not. 

After dropping Hannah off this morning, I sat in my car before heading to work and quick painted my nails (my car was in park) and I dropped the nail polish on my pretty new pants.  Son of a Bautch . . So I ran home, tried removing the nailpolish with remover . . . then I stunk.  No way was I go to stink like nailpolish remover all day so I quick changed pants and ran back down to my car.   Half way to work I realized I was missing my badge . . humm it was on my pants that were on my bedroom floor.  Badges, badges, we don’t need no stink’n badges.   To the front desk I went to get a temp badge and made my way to my desk.   I also think I ruined my new pants, I have these black marks on my skin from where I tried to remove the nailpolish.  Darn it!

Work has been crazy busy and layoffs make people awfully crabby.  The ironic part is people are crabby with everyone and yet we are all in the same boat.  I’m working really hard not to be a crabby pants but today kinda topped the charts.  I had my fill with a particular employee who felt the need to yell at me for something I had no control or part in.  He’s often a horses arse, but today it was just the icing on the cake after an emotionally challenging day. 

Driving on my way home feeling the emotions build up in me.  I got the shaking and hot skin and tears come to my eyes and felt the need to scream and yell at the top of my lungs.  Suddenly voice in my head said “I feel like running, it would totally release all of this tension in my body, too bad I have class tonight”.  That’s odd . . . did I think that?   Did I just have a small mental breakdown, temporary insanity?   I did a quick check, Today’s date:  Wednesday, March 29^th, Age: 33, Year 2011, Fingers: 5, Looked in the mirror: yup, it’s me.   All answers correct, wow, this is new and yet exciting.  Unfortunately I have class tonight, so I opted a call to my Mom to talk.  She allowed me a good cry and I’m feeling much better.  Sometimes no matter how old you get, you just need your Mom.  I guess sometimes it just decided how it’s going to come out. 

Class is about to start and for some reason they frown on blogging in class so I better fly!  Regardless of how this day start, I’m determine to have it finish well.

Unstoppable “Tiggerriffic” Mariah

Rock'n the Schedule

Driving home, I thought of at least a dozen reasons why I should skip jogging tonight.  My foot hurt, I had too much homework, it's cold outside, I'm tired, it's been a long day . . . I could keep going, but I'll spare you the BS.  I got home, changed into my new t-shirt and jacket from Pam (love them) and helped Paul make dinner.  Thought of a few more excuses and then sucked it up and went.  Guess what, it wasn't so bad.  If fact, it really helped me decompress from the craziness of the day.  There were a ton of deer out tonight and it was so peaceful.  I'm proud of myself for pushing thru the barrier and just doing it.   I'm finding I might at some point begin to like jogging, I feel little glimpses of it every once and awhile and it catches me by surprise.  My body is really starting to get used to it and when I jog/walk my body craves jogging for longer.  It's strange how body's change and get used to activity.

The first day of my new "schedule" and I must admit it was pretty successful.  I'm curious to see how it works for the rest of the week.   Paul and I have been trying new recipes.  We made these great breakfast egg cupcake thingies and they freeze well.  We made lemon thyme chicken with risotto tonight and it was also delish.  We had been getting in a rut with foods and I really enjoy trying new ideas. 

It's 9pm so it's off to spend some time with Paul and cuddle in bed, one my favorite times of the day besides picking up Belle from school.  Wish me luck on my weigh in tmrw :)

Unstoppable "schedule following" Mariah

Finding calm in Chaos

I knew this feeling was coming, I just wasn’t sure when it would hit.  The feeling of drowning with no life jacket as I’m gasping for air.   Family, work, school, homework, training, eating healthy, it’s tall order.  Something is bound to fall thru the cracks occasionally.  I’ve slept poorly the last few nights and it caught up with me.  Instead of going to the gym like I had planned to (we even left St Cloud earlier then normal to accomplish this), I took a nap.   Mind you, it was a HEAVENLY and much needed nap.  It helped me clear my head and get focused.  I’m starting to appreciate how much sleep plays an important part in a holistic healthy lifestyle approach.  I begrudgingly worked on Econ homework while Hannah played Wii and Paul went grocery shopping.   This is a task we used to do together but in our “new life” it’s something we now tend to do separate.  It’s ironic that I spent the night reading about opportunity cost.  There are opportunity costs with a healthy lifestyle.  Whoo hooo, look, I’m an Economic Genius . . okay maybe not, but hey, I found a way to apply an Econ theory to real life, a bonus to help make it stick in my mind. 

After feeling so overwhelmed today, I decided I needed to implement some changes.  This is all a learning processes that requires tweaking and changes along the way.  This week, I will not weigh myself everyday, I’m going to PROMISE to only do this twice a week.  Tuesdays and Thursday are my happy love my Wii weigh in days.  Paul is fond of schedules, me not so much, but after feeling like my list of to do’s is more then I can bear, I decided I needed to at least give one a try.  I wrote down a tentative schedule of homework, family time, training etc in excel.  It feels better just seeing it on paper and it feels like something I can accomplish.  One of my biggest road blocks right now, is giving up the guilt I feel for the added responsibilities I’m handing over to Paul and feeling like I’m missing out on time with Hannah.  Paul went to school full-time and worked full-time, so I know what it’s like on the other on other side.   Paul is more then willing to take on this additional workload with no complaint, it’s purely me putting up the barriers.  In all honesty, Hannah is getting older and while she loves me, she doesn’t need me or desire me to watch her every move.    I started thinking of what I had the influence to change.  Light Bulb (Despicable me voice in my head)!  Hannah is going to start jogging with me on Thursdays.  She loves running and enjoys being part of my healthiness journey. She got a huge smile when I asked her about it.   A check mark goes in the balance column!  A totally doable schedule . . . another check in the balance column.  Being willing to let Paul take control over housework and making meals . . .a HUGE check in the balance column.  I will do all of this and work hard not to feel guilty for it, Yeah me for being willing to let go and accept change!!!!!

Pam and I nailed another 5K down Saturday.  I’m becoming to love this routine.  We plan to do it every weekend until Breast Cancer 5K on Mother’s day.  She got me the cutest top and jacket for working out.  It’s pink, I love pink!  The fact I got up at 7:00 am on a Saturday to go jogging with Pam is a true reflection on how much I’ve change in a year.  It’s like a workout and therapy session in one.  Who could ask for more?   We shaved 5 minutes off of our time last week and feel confident in the progress we will continue to make in the next few weeks.  I love seeing the changes within her, she’s also changing from the inside out and it’s beautiful and amazing to watch and be part of.  She pushes me but also keeps me in check from being too hard on myself.  I guess you could call her a reality check! J

I had a great birthday Friday and promise to blog about it more this week, I just didn’t want to make today’s too long and was feeling sharing about finding calm in chaos to be more important and fore front at the moment.   Thanks for everyone that takes the time to read my blog, your words of encouragement and your willingness to be part of this journey helps in keeping me unstoppable!

Unstoppable, still figuring it out, Mariah

Three steps forward, two steps back

For those of you who don’t know what got me inspire to blog, I’ll recap.  Jen from priorfatgirl.com had a PriorFatGirl get together in January.  I hadn’t met Jen before (I know her wonderful sister Heidi) and had heard so many great things about her.  My cousin Pam and I went to the event and we both left as changed people.  It was like a light bulb went off.   Jen is as amazing as her journey.  It was great to walk into a room with fellow people looking to get healthy.  People provided realistic advice and information to help guide us on our way.  We also got to share common experiences and it really helped knowing I’m not the only one with some crazy thoughts or feelings during this journey.  Jen is an active blogger, as I listen to her talk and read her blogs, I realized I was missing something that was causing roadblocks on my journey.   I hadn’t been working thru my emotions.  I didn’t realize this until I heard those words come out of her mouth.  She had been a bottler of emotions as well, blogging helped her with this.  I decided I needed to do something about it and followed suite.  I've discovered blogging was just the tool for me :)  One of my first ways of doing this was to share my “Triathlon Journey” with her.   After sharing this with her, she asked me if I would be up to sharing at a future gathering to which I very excitedly accepted.   My great news, this gathering will be on Saturday April 2^nd.    I’m am so excited, nervous and honored!   Please check out her blog to learn more (http://www.priorfatgirl.com/)  If any readers out there are struggling with weight and looking for a support group, I encourage you to attend.  The support you can find here is amazing!    

I feel like the last two weeks whenever I make progress the next day I have a setback.  While I’m still further ahead in progress it’s not as fast as I like and the setbacks are emotionally frustrating.  2lbs down, 1.5 up, 1 lb down, ,7lb up.  It’s seriously driving me batty.  In the effort to keep my sanity I’m going to try something new.  I’m only going to weigh myself twice a week instead of everyday.  I just don’t want or need to be so tied into that number.  I need to focus on other aspects of my new healthy life style.  Tuesdays and Fridays are my new wii weigh in days.  I think this will help with the fluctuations and help me from hyper focusing on my number.

I had a good night at school last night and hold onto your socks . . . . I think I might enjoy this class.  The teacher is quirky, funny, practical and very smart.  I hated Macro Econ, seriously, I drank beer when I did homework just to get thru it.  My Macro teacher was awful, turns out my fellow classmates that had him thought he was awful to.  My new teacher for Micro, way way way better and I know with hard work and no beer, I’ll do great!

Unstoppable "feeling honored" Mariah

Getting back to “Normal”

I’m back in school again after a break from my last class.  Feels like I’m getting back into the swing of things.  I always have gitters when starting a new class.  Meeting new people, learning something new, will I like the teacher . . . seriously I’ve done this how many times before and yet I feel sick to my stomach each time.  I guess it doesn’t help that it’s not my favorite subject.  Micro Economics . . . so overrated.  Thank goodness my little brother Scott is one of my life lines just like on Who wants to be a Millionaire.    I got all of my school information printed off, put nicely in my folder, have my book ready, picked out my clothing before and am set to go.  If only there was a way to get my emotions prepared.  Every time I start a new class I also panic how I can balance everything.  Home, school, work, training, eating healthy etc.  

My Wii board was nicer to me today, I was down .7 from yesterday.  I’m debating if I should weigh in tomorrow or if I could give it a break.  I’m still sore from jogging two days in a row.  I guess you could say that was one bonus of starting class tonight.  No working out!!!!  See Micro Econ can have it’s benefits. 

Paul and I have been on this journey together.  While in some ways it’s incredibly rewarding, however in other ways it presents unique challenges.    For example we never seem to be in the same mood or the same place at the same time.  One of us is gun-ho and the other is totally dragging.  One has a great scale day, the other gains 2 lb.  It helps that we don’t often hit the lows together; I really miss hitting the highs together.   Another challenge is both of us feel so different from who we were when we started this journey.  It scares me to think of losing each other on the way.  Granted I will say, in so many ways Paul and I have been to Hell and back.  I figured if we can work thru losing our son, we can work thru anything.  What can be harder than that right?  I’m also going to be very vulnerable and honest with the fact that Paul is at his lowest weight since I’ve known him and I’m way larger then when we first met.   As a wife, I find it difficult to be larger than my husband.  While he reminds me that he loves me and he does show me, I asked him the other day to remind me a little more often.  Needy I know, but at the same time I’m finding myself feeling insecure right now.   I know I need to get past this and explore those feelings more, but I’m proud the fact I’m willing to share it and admit how I feel.

Work has been crazy busy and you can tell the layoffs and changes are really getting to people.  I’m pondering ideas on how to switch the workday blues for me and my team to sunshine superstars.   I refuse to have a bad or negative day tmrw.  Two days in a row is one too many.

Unstoppable “not loving econ” Mariah

Speed bumps!

So after such an empowering weekend and feeling so strong in my mindset, I hit a speed bump at full speed!  After a little damage, I stood back up, brushed myself off and am back up and running.  I bet you are wondering what the speed dump could be? My fun little Wii board told me I gained 1.8 lbs this morning (from yesterday morning).   Instead of having an instant meltdown, I remembered what I’ve told other people and started putting it in perspective.  A- it could totally be related to that “time of the month”, B- weight does fluctuate up to 2 lbs in a day, C- I didn’t drink much water this weekend and I am dehydrated, D- I could have gained 2lbs and guess what, it happens.   This journey will come with up and downs.  I can’t let that get in my way and stop me.  To prove that this won’t stop me, I’m going fat Baywatch girl jogging again, TAKE THAT WII BOARD!!!!!

Unstoppable soon to buy a red swimsuit Mariah

A new partner in crime

I found a new partner in crime for jogging today.  My cousin Pam and I walked/jogged a 5K today.  She is doing amazing with her journey.  She only started in January and she's a rocken jogger. It was great talking talking about life, our journey, our struggles and successes.  I was surprised to hear so many similar struggles, but yet it provided so much energy to keep moving forward.  I'm so proud and happy to see where she is on her journey and to be a part of it.  It was so much fun jogging with her, she made me giggle when she kept telling me we'll run to those trees, we were running in a park full of trees.  We burned 808 calories!!  WHOO HOO!!!   While my butt is incredibly sore, I can't wait till our next jog in the park. 

Paul and I also when biking and jogging Saturday.  Jogging after biking . . I forgot how hard it is to do outside.  I had a little break thru this weekend.  I have this crazy and silly delusions idea, that if it's something I accomplished, it must have been easy.  I did a triathlon, so it must not really be that hard.  When I struggled to go jogging with Paul after biking, I was confused why it was hard.  HELLO, because training for a triathlon, it's hard.  It's worth the pain, worth the effort, worth the reward, but by no means is it easy.  I will learn to give myself credit and learn to enjoy my accomplishments more. 

I'm getting great at preparing my breakfasts for the week.  While it's a little time consuming, it's amazing how much it helps me stay on track.  I thought I would share what my breakfasts look like this week.

Starts off with a whole green pepper

Next comes 12 egg whites and 6 whole eggs





Time to whisk those babies up!





3 chicken brats





Cook on stove

Magic!  5- 193 calorie breakfasts

I typically also have 2 pieces of Sara Lee bread (45 calories each) and 1 tsp of nummy almond butter.  Oh yes, and my one diet coke of the day making my breakfast 320 calories.  I love it and it's a no brainer.  I need to start my mornings off easy, Paul will tell you, I'm not a morning gal and I'm not sure that will ever change.  I'm so thankful I have him to keep me going in the mornings.  Without him, I'm honestly not sure I could function before 8 am.  

I start my class this week, have a ton of stuff going on and need to get 3 days of jogging in.  It's where I'm struggling the most and really need to break thru it.  Today was a HUGE step in that direction (thanks Pam) and I need to just keep moving forward towards it.  I need to remind myself, I just gotta get out there and do it.  I have 30-40 minutes I can commit to it, it will get easier the more I do it. 

I'm off to cuddle with my guy for my last Sunday free homework night.  A great way to head into Monday :)

Unstoppable loving my new partner Mariah

Parting with the past

Good Morning and happy Saturday.  I'm still a little sleepy from 2 nights of little sleep.  We had a blast last night at the Palmer Lake Carnival for Hannah's school and were lucky to have my 2 nieces Megan and Ella to join us. 

I'm starting to notice small differences with my weight loss, one of those differences is not being camera shy.  I used to hate getting my picture taken, I hated the person it show because it never reflected who I felt like I was.  Now when I get my picture taken and look at those pictures and they are starting to match who I feel.  I also slept on my back last night, again something I haven't done in forever and my dog was able to sleep on my stomach.  My stomach is flat when I lay on my back . . .totally something new, intriguing and surprising.  I'm kinda liking it, I find myself touching my stomach more often cause I really don't believe it's new shape.  I'm starting to wonder if people will think I'm prego cause I touch it so often.  What a way to start rumors!

This week I started cleaning out my closet . . . again.  I got that same choked up feeling that I've gotten in the past.  My first thought it so scold myself for being so silly, why would I be sad to get rid of my "fat" clothes.  Instead of scolding myself, I decided to think and examine that feeling.  I figured it out, some of those clothes, they have great memories.  While I'm proud and excited about the person I'm becoming, I've always loved myself.  It feels a little like I'm throwing my old self away.  It's hard to part with some of my old traits and realize they won't come back.  Lets face it, there are some "bonuses" of not caring about what you eat or look like.  Planning my food, being honest about who I am, working out etc, it requires work and dedication.  I had alot more free time before.  That's not to say I'll ever go back, but every shirt I put in a bag to donate to goodwill, means that "free" time, while I'll get more balanced, will never be what it once was.  I'm not sure I'll ever get to the point of eating a donut or cake without asking myself at least 3 times if that's a choice I really want to make.  Speaking of cake, I had the most wonderful piece of cake yesterday for a co-workers birthdays.  Costco cake is the bomb!  It was a smaller piece and I couldn't eat it all (okay, there was only a little left behind, but it counts), that's another new thing, I used to be able to polish of BIG piece of cake and go back for more.  I was very satisfied with a small piece and am totally okay with eating it.

My Birthday is next week and I need to renew my drivers licenses.  Again, goes back to the picture thing, I used to dread getting this done.  My drivers license picture shows my round hugo face.  I am so excited to go today, get my picture re-done and guess what else?  I'm going to put my real weight for the first time since I was 21!  I'm so proud and excited to do so!  I find this so amusing and funny.  I never thought I would be excited to show 253 on my license.  WHOO HOOO!!!!

Paul and I are going to try running and biking outside today.  My ankle had been acting up with all of my activity, I'm going to try keeping my ankle wrapped up during the week to see if I can't help it get back to "normal".  I'm feeling rather anxious about getting outside.  Between my allergies (darn snow mold) and my ankle I'm scared about set backs.  I need to remember to take one step at a time, one day at a time.  I will be confident that I can overcome any obstacles, after all, I'm unstoppable Mariah, right?! :)

Unstoppable picture loving Mariah

Dynamically changing goals

I'm still feeling rather giddy about my milestone achievement.  I couldn't stop smiling yesterday.  In fact I jumped back on my wii today to make sure it was real.  This achievement got me thinking and dreaming about long term goals and what I can accomplish.  I'm pretty confident that I will one day become 1/2 the woman I started out as.  I used to think this was not achievable but my outlook has totally changed.  I can honestly tell you, I don't care if it takes me 3 years to reach this goal, I'm committed to it!  This makes my end goal weight 153 and I'm 103 lbs away from that, 1/3 of the way there!  It's amazing, along my journey, my goals, my dreams, my outlook, they change and morph into things I never even thought of before.  I love that, it's like a new door opens up each goal I reach.

I had a great time at lunch today with my friends Jason and Bri.  It's been awhile since we've had lunch together at it was great catching up.  Work has been crazy busy, but I love it when it's like that.  I'm helping some co-workers out with a new process that was implemented and it feels great to feel value added in my group.  Paul and I made grilled chicken Chinese cabbage salad tonight for dinner and it was FANTASTIC.  I would like to incorporate this into our menu more often.  After dinner I changed into my running clothes.  I wasn't feeling the best and ended up, well in the effort of not being TMI, was in the restroom not feeling my best.  The moment I get out, my cell phone chimes telling me I have a text.  It was Jason, apparently he was having the same issues I was.  Guess while those grilled chicken tacos tasted great during lunch, something was a little off from them.  I'm laying in bed as I type this still feeling rather ill.  So I changed into my jammies and will be sticking the night in.  I'm feeling rather bummed out, but running outside and having food poising isn't the best combination. 

I'm feeling nervous to start my new class next week.  I keep trying not to think about it since it's 7 days away, but I'm really not a fan of Economics.  The great part is it's only 7 weeks, but I'm wondering how hard those 7 weeks will be.  Then again, maybe it will help take my mind off the upcoming layoffs at work.  That could be a bonus of being busy with icky Econ homework.

Wish me luck in feeling better . . . not sure I'll be eating chicken taco's anytime soon again!

Unstoppable Icky Sicky Mariah

Kiss my butt goodbye!

I hit the big 50 today!   YAHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  I’m so thankful for all of the support my family, friends and all my readers out there have given me.  Often when I feel like giving up, I think of you all and remind myself to keep going.  While I’ve had amazing support, I’ve come to also realize, I can’t do this without myself either.  When it all boils down, I have to make the choice.  Everyone can support me and encourage me, but unless I’m will to make that decision, it doesn’t matter how much support people give me.  It’s up to me to make the right food choices, to go out for a walk, to hit the gym.  So today, I give a shout out to myself.  I am so proud of myself and the person I’ve become. This got me thinking . . . . What’s change and what’s unchanged?

Changes

•           My vegetable consumption used to primarily consist of French fries.  I now eat broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, carrots, snow peas, peppers, the occasional small tomato and the list goes on and on.

•           Working out was not even part of my vocabulary much less part of a weekly schedule.  I now work to get 3 work outs in a week and sometimes more.  I’m learning to push myself harder and trust my body can handle it.

•           I was outgrowing my size 22W pants and on my way to the dreaded 24W.  I now no longer fit in plus size shirts and will never have to purchase a pair of plus size pants again.  Good bye Lane Bryant, I will not miss shopping in you.  I love feeling “normal” and being able to shop at any store I please. 

•           My eating habits used to consist of stuffing my face until I could barely walk, this could mean eating a    whole Chipotle burrito (including chips), a large diet coke, and sometimes finishing off the night with a   trip to coldstone (I can’t believe I’m sharing this with people).  If we splurge and go to Chipotle, I now eat ½ a burrito, drink water and NO COLDSTONE.  This new way of eating applies to how I choose my food every day.  I no longer eat until I can’t walk; I enjoy food more than I ever have.

•           I’m more self conscious of my body than ever, while before I never noticed or really paid attention to how big I really was.  Now I notice every roll on my body, which seems to be more.  I think it’s the way I loose weight, instead of a big tummy bulge, I have a bunch of littler bulges that move and shake when you push on them.

•           Best of all, I’m so much happier and at peace with life.  This is the happiest I think I’ve ever been in life.  I’m at peace with the passing of my son and am okay with “moving forward”. I’m more confident in what I can accomplish and have such a strong belief in myself.  I love myself and who I’ve become and look forward to what I will discover in the future.

Unchanged

•           I’m still as devoted and committed to my family as I always have been.

•           My basic fundamentals remain unchanged.

•           I still LOVE LOVE LOVE food and enjoy eating.

•           While I’ve lost 50lbs, not a single ounce has left my boobs, can’t figure this one out yet. Not that I’m disappointed, just a little nervous if it never happens, I’ll be at risk of falling over!

•           One of my favorite things that brings me great joy is still curling up with Paul in bed, watching a movie, drinking a glass of wine and eating chocolate.

•           When I look in the mirror, while I feel drastically different on the inside, I have a hard time seeing those changed on the outside.

•           I’m still deeply and madly in love with my husband and feel like the luckiest Mom in the world to have such a great kid.

I will never see those 50lbs again, I can have confidence in that because I’ve change my lifestyle.  This isn’t a fad, crash diet or a magic pill, this is life.  This is my life and I get to choose my path and my decisions every day.  I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and be unstoppable.  Thanks for being part of my journey!

Here's me in my "big" pants 50lbs later :)

Unstoppable kiss my junk in the truck goodbye Mariah

Oh so close!

I’m confident tomorrow morning will be the day I pass my 50lb weight loss goal.  I weighted in this morning and missed it by .1lb.  I was surprisingly not all that disappointed.  This gave me the motivation to totally kick butt at the gym today.  I am so proud of myself and still on a high from accomplishing so much today.

I started out on the bike and completed 8.6 miles in 30 minutes.   I was enjoying myself sweating up a storm next to Paul.  It was the first time I sweated into my eyes, didn’t know it would sting.  I don’t care if I look like a geek, I think I’m going to have to wear a sweat band for my head.  Then I started to get nervous knowing the treadmill was next.  I got on the treadmill and made myself a commitment as I was entering my information.  I would complete 1 mile after a short warm up, I decided to keep my speed at 4.0 or higher.  So I would go anywhere from 4.0 to 4.5.  I finished a mile in 14.45 minutes.  My goal for the Tri is 15 minute miles.  WHOO HOOO I totally feel like this is now something I can accomplish.  Instead of crying because I hated the treadmill, I began to cry tears of joy.  I was so excited and happy I had to call my Mom to share what I had accomplished.  I’m so confident I can meet my goals for both of my tri’s this summer.  After that I even climbed on my favorite machine, good old elliptical.     

When we had gotten ready to head out the gym, the poor dog got excited thinking he was going for a walk.  Hercky is too darn smart for his own good, he recognized my running clothes and normally I take him at least one lap around.  He was quite disappointed when we ended up gating him up instead of taking him out around the block.  So instead, when we got home from the gym, Belle and I took him out for a run.  Okay, can you believe what you are reading, I worked out for 1 hour and 30 minutes and then I took my dog out for a run?!    Guess how many calories I burned during all of this activity . . . . 1221!  Holy cats, amazing!   How cool is that?

I completed my Sunday night routine of food preparation.   I still get frustrated at the work of weighing and measuring food, but I do have a healthy respect and appreciation for how important it is.  I’m extremely thankful that Paul is a rockstar at it and that makes it so much easier.  Without his help, I’m not sure I would do as well with it.  I made chicken and dumplings for the first time, it turned out pretty well.  We have been getting a little bored with the same old foods over and over again, so we are trying to shake it up.  I ordered the book today online, EBAY ROCKS!  I purchased the book for 4.50 and should have it by mid week. 

Stay tuned for my 50lb milestone post tmrw.  I can’t wait to share it with you all!   

Unstoppable Gym Rocking Mariah

Fun Fantastic Friday News :)

I have so much to share today that I don’t know where to start.  I’m not sure which I’m more excited about! 

Okay so let’s start of with I’m less then 1 pound away from my 50lb mark.  50lbs, can you believe it!  I’m still in awwwww and excitement.  I’m debating on how to celebrate and wondering if a new color and highlight may do it.  A new spring color with my new spring short  hair do!  I’m so proud of myself.  It’s funny, I always tell Belle to be proud of herself and I’m just learning to do that.   I guess you could say I was teaching her do as I say not as I do, well now I can lead by example.   So when I announce my 50lb mark, I’m hoping you will all do the 50lb dance with me . . . (arms, legs and butt all shake)!

My second piece of news, I’m starting to like jogging.  Pick your jaw up off the group, I’m as surprised as everyone else.  I know, what the heck happened, how did that change?  I totally like being outside.  It’s so much better then that darn treadmill.  Paul and I went running again outside and I loved it.  It kicked my butt, but I really enjoyed it.  Tomorrow instead of going to the gym, I’m going to jog outside.  I love spring, I love the chill in the air and how it feels on my skin.   I get excited because when I’m running outside, there are no numbers staring at me.  I work out harder outside then when I’m on the treadmill, I know this because of what my handy dandy BUD tells me.  I love when it tells me my activity is 6+ mets which means it falls under the category of vigorous activity.   Jogging outside, I can incorporate that 4 times a week to my schedule.  It’s totally doable.   I love seeing the calories I burn and the steps it adds to BUD too.

My third piece of good news, I’m going to self nominate myself to become part of the priorfatgirl family.  Jen is how I got inspired to blog (priorfatgirl.com).  She is adding a “Mom” to her blog.  So I’m going to write up my self nomination form this weekend.   Please cross your toes and fingers.  Regardless if I’m chosen or not, I’ll still continue to blog, but it would be exciting to be part their family.  I’m finding myself so drawn to people wanting change their lives and be healthier.

I’m also pondering organizing a fun family 5K around Palmer Lake Park Trail this summer.  We could BBQ afterwards and I think it would be a blast.  Any readers out there interested? 

Unstoppable "secret jog loving" Mariah

Renewed Energy

I had a fantastic lunch today and got to meet two new wonderful women.   I’m honored that they read my blog and it makes me a little giddy.   I’m always taken back and a little surprised when I have readers outside my cute hubby.  This blog has become such integral part of my new healthy lifestyle.  Something about getting my emotions out of my head and onto paper is freeing and I’m much more able to sort it all out logically.   My emotions and logic often conflict with each other.  So on to these great women, they are also working out and getting healthy.  I got to share some of my story about the Trek Tri and learn a little bit about them.  We also talked about a book that I’m dying to get this weekend by the title Body-for-LIFE for Women: A Woman's Plan for Physical and Mental Transformation written by Pamela Peeke.  After talking to Heather, Jodi and Rose I have renewed energy and they fueled my motivation.  I love lunches that inspire me and get me excited!

Rose & Jodi my new friends, this is for you J

What if I told you I knew of an investment you could make that is guaranteed to pay out tenfold?  What would you be willing to invest?  What would your reservations be?  Would you be willing to put yourself out there?  Jodi and Rose, I’m going to challenge you to do so.  I promise you, it’s worth the investment.  You are both amazing woman and I believe in you just as Heather and Michelle believed in me.  The feeling of crossing that finish line is something I can’t put into words or draw into a picture.  I can share this, the person I am today, is a totally different person that I was when I started.  I’m a better everything because I accepted this challenge.  This investment in yourself, in your time, and financially, it pays tenfold.  The time I’ve set aside for training, those are years I’ve added to my life.  The money I’ve spend for registration, hotel, bike and food, that money will come back in the less doctor’s appointment or medications I may have needed, and well no consulting needed, any amount of anger or sadness I had, I just took it out on that darn treadmill I hate so much.  This investment in myself, it pays because I’m happier, I’m more balanced, I’m LIVING LIFE to its fullest.  You will never find a more amazing group of women to do something like this with, your support system here won’t let you down.  .  I’ll swim with you, I’ll bike with you, I’ll run . . I mean jog (I dream of running one day) as you run past me J  We have even talked about setting us some times this summer to get together as a group to do some training.   So my challenge to you, make the investment.   I hope I just didn’t lose 2 of my 5 readers.

So after my inspirational lunch, I have made a commitment of going jogging tonight.  I’m pretty excited since it’s so nice out and I haven’t worked out since my cold.  Today was the first day of not feeling like death warmed over.  I get nervous about jogging after I’ve been on a break but yet I’m still a little excited.  I dream of the day I can run run, like really run.  I sometimes feel goofy on the treadmill when Paul is pounding away breathing normal and I’m huffing and puffing at a 5.  I know I need to only compare myself to myself and I working hard to do so.  I’m starting a new journal routine this weekend where I’ll write down my distances and my time so I can just worry about me and see the progress.  Again, it’s all about finding the logic and dealing with the emotions.  Something I’m proud to say I’m getting rather good at.  I’ve really made headway on quieting the negative Nelly’s in my head and turning up the positive . . .(what should their names be?) . . . Positive Pauli’s! 

Unstoppable Challenging Mariah      

Thanking my Peeps

After writing my falling of the wagon post, I became really reflective.  I am totally amazed at how different and better my body feels and it made me think about a close friend who is significantly overweight as well.  I worry about her, I know she doesn't feel well, is tired and had all the feelings I have experienced.  I wish there was a way I could give her the feeling of healthy and what a difference in can make in your life.  I also understand that until a person reaches that ahh hhaaa point themselves they will likely not change.  It got me thinking . . . what and how did my friends impact me to change.

Heather-  I think of you as the believer.  You got me started on a triathlon.  Now this summer, I'm doing 2!   You came to me, you believed that I could do this so much, that I believed in myself too.  You took me swimming which was one of my biggest fears and now is something I love and find so much comfort and peace in.  I didn't share this with you yet, but I'm able to front crawl now!  Yes front crawl.  You saw me at my largest weight and still looked at me as someone who could accomplish a triathlon.  You have so much going on in your life, but made time for me and to help me find myself.  Your belief in your faith and people are un-describable. 

Michelle-  I think of you as the granola lady (a total compliment).  You are so humble, amazing and honest.  You barely knew me and accepting me and welcomed me so whole heartily.  Your commitment to your faith is inspiring to me as it reminds me so much of my Grandmother.  Your faith and devotion helped remind me that in my deepest darkest moments, that it was I who lost faith in God, but he never lost faith in me.  I walked into your home and felt so loved and welcomed. You and Heather together, you guys are UNSTOPPABLE and could honestly take on the world.  

Jason-  I think of you as my reality friend.  I never told you how much your friendship has meant to me.  I'm trying to figure out it I was more afraid of your wrath or disappointing you if I gave up.  I'll never forget the conversation you had with me when you told me that you and Angela would take Hannah if Paul and I signed up for the Biggest Loser.  It was a reality check for me for so many reasons.  You kinda slapped me in the face with the reality of really how unhealthy I was.  You did this in a way that was direct, but never insulting.  You were honest, but not hurtful.  You've always been here to remind me what I'm capable of doing and there to help me when I fall down.  I love that I can be 100% myself with you and know that you'll accept me for who I am.  You know how far I can be pushed without breaking me.  You introduced me to BUD, whom poor Paul gets a little envious of with all the love I give him.  Along this way I started realizing who was "real" in my life, you and Angela are those real people and I know we'll be friends for life.

Bri-  I think of you as my really hot friend!  While all of my friends are beautiful for obvious reason, Bri is totally HOT!  Okay sorry everyone, seriously she totally is.  Since she got the twins even more so.  You amaze me in your determination in body building.  When you talk about working out for hours on end, it reminds me that 30 minutes won't kill me.  We've talked about insecurities and doubts and you've always encourage me to keep pushing forward and reminded me of what I can accomplish.

Sari-  I think of you as my cheerleader.  You are so caring and already have the mother instinct.  You always have kind words of encouragement.  I was so touched by your care packaged for my Triathlon.  I was so proud to bring it along with me and carry it.  Your courage during your current battle reminds me I can accomplish anything.

Jen- (A prior fat girl), while we aren't yet friends, I still owe you a shout out.  Your inspired me to blog.  This tool has allowed me to explore my emotions and allowing me to worth thru the issues that caused me to gain the weight.  You are a role model, I use you as an example on how you can share about yourself openly.  Your blog inspired me to share my starting weight, to be courageous and share my feelings and struggles.


So to all you peeps, THANK YOU.  Thank you for being my friend, for helping me lose my weight, and for helping me find myself.  You have not only given me more happy years of my life, but you've given my family the gift of my life and me the gift of being part of my family's life.  Because of you all, I will be there to see Hannah get married and have children as well as grown old with my best friend.  I hope I am able to give back 1/10 of what you have given to me.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Unstoppable forever grateful Mariah

Falling off the wagon . . . OUCH!

So I must sadly and embarrassingly admit I fell off the wagon.  I’m not only admitting this to be honest with all of you, but to be held personally responsible myself.  I know I’ll have slip ups, but darn it’s a slippery and steep hill.  It started innocently enough, a vacation day at home, a small treat.  Dinner out at one of my favorite restaurants, Benihana (AKA Fantastic Flippy Food), well I over indulged.  I had a coupon for my birthday, so I of course “needed” Rocky’s Choice (steak and chicken) and for some reason I decided I also “needed” fried rice.  I’ve never ordered fried rice before, but it was by birthday.  While I was pleasantly plump by the end of dinner, I got free ice-cream, I of course “needed” to eat it, and it was by birthday month celebrated from Benihana.  The next morning Paul and I went out for breakfast, while I ordered whole wheat pancakes, turkey bacon, chicken sausage and egg whites, I ate more then I needed to.  This is actually painful to type, but important to be honest, so I’ll air my dirty laundry for all to see.  Then Paul and I went to a movie . . . I’m hanging my head, we got popcorn with butter sauce.  I know I’m shaking my head at myself too, what the heck was I thinking.  So then we went and met my sister for lunch at Chipotle, before you panic, I only ate ½ a burrito, Paul and I split one.  By Friday night I felt sick to my stomach; my body just cannot handle eating like that.  The worse part, I used to eat like that all of the time, which explains why I weight what I weight.   On Saturday, I still felt awful and I came to a startling realization, that’s how I always felt physically.  I always felt that crappy, I was tired, my body hurt, I felt literally weighted down and crabby.  Seriously, it was crazy!   I never realized how awful my body felt when I ate so crappy.  I didn’t fully appreciate the impact my food choices had on my mood.  I guess I always thought food made me feel better because it made me feel full instead of empty.  I mean like seriously when I was eating flippy food, I was happier than a pig in poop.  It was my over indulgence that did me in.  In the future when I choose to splurge by going there I will do the following: 1) get chicken only, 2) get plain rice and not eat it all, 3) even if ice-cream is free, I’ll pass.    In some ways I’m glad I fell off the wagon and had this light bulb moment.  Without falling off the wagon, I would still be in the dark.  But the big point I really want to make, for any of you out there, that are overweight and feel crappy, you can change it, you can feel better, you have the power to make it happened! 

I did get my hair cut this weekend.  I wanted to look different, I’m struggling some because I feel so different on the inside, and I wanted my outside to reflect this.  I asked to get 4 inches cut off, but I think she cut off more, then again maybe its cause when it’s curly, it’s really short!   I feel sassy, my poor husband suffers when I do these things, and I think I may have asked him like 20 times if I looked cute.   Even more so today when my co-workers failed to notice my cute new style, he’s been very supportive and willing to sooth my insecurities.  Not that everyone should notice every little change, but I was just a little sad after chopping so much off. 

I have a cold and I can feel and hear rattling in my lungs so I haven’t worked out the past few days.  I’m starting to crave it and feel unbalanced without it.  I find that rather humorous since I still HATE (yes hate) the treadmill.   I’m finishing up my last class of my current class and start a new one on March 22^nd.   I’m still debating how I feel about these short classes, they are intense but I love how fast they go.  I’m trying to figure how I can balance these classes with work, home and exercise.   I guess in so many ways that’s always the key right.   I’m back on the wagon and back on track!

Unstoppable a bit bruised from falling off the wagon Mariah

Here I am . . . .

I apologize for my lack of posts the past few days, I must get better at making the time.   I just finished my last assignments for my class and have my last night for this class Monday.  I’ll have a week of and then start a class that is bound to make me cry and swear.  Micro Economics, ARGH.

Between, school, home, trying to work out, and crazy work, sometimes I can’t figure out what direction I’m going.  On the upside, I am noticing how differently I deal with stress and uncertainty.  Last week I found out the company I work for would again be doing more large layoffs.  All of my current group has been here during the past rounds of layoffs and we all know how emotional it is during the waiting period.   Each day brings new news or gossip, most of is never really uplifting.  The nervousness comes not because I wouldn’t be able to find another job if I was laid off, rather that I really enjoy what I’m doing right now and the team I work in.  If we aren’t laid off, we will all know people that are.  If feels like so much of my life is falling into place and I’m not ready for it to be shaken up again.  But the bottom line is, God has always helped me find my way, I always end up where I belong.  I told Paul the other day, I’m like a cat, I always land on my feet.

My weight has been fluctuating, but I have a feeling tomorrow mornings weight in will be great.  I’m doing great with my BUD.  I totally am in love with this device.  I’m into a great rhythm with food .  It’s amazingly more natural for me now then it has ever been before.  It’s easier to make good choices and I find myself craving bad foods way less.  I’m LOVING salad, seriously, if I had a choice between a good burger and a good salad . . 100% salad!  What’s hard when we go out to certain restaurants.  We went to Applebee’s this week, while they boast about a new menu of under 500 calories meals, but it’s all seafood.  If it swims in the sea, I don’t eat it.  Well except for can albacore tuna fish, but I don’t think that counts.  So instead I got something that listed the weight watchers points and it was great.   I did have a passing thought of boneless buffalo fried chicken, but it quickly passed.  Once my dinner got there, any thought of any other food was totally gone.  I did sneak a few of Hannah’s fries, but that’s okay, a few fries aren’t bad, it’s a whole basket of fries that do you in. 

Daily choices are easier as well.  Instead of feeling “left out” when I make good choices, I feel proud, happy and fulfilled with the choices I do make. I drink less pop, way more water and eat vegetables daily.  I did have a craving for cakey sweetness last night, so I made low-fat brownies.  Instead of making them pan style which would be 1/18 for 140 calories (2520 for the pan) I put them into the mini cupcake pan and made 44 little guys.  This means I how have 57 calorie bites.  I struggle with portions when things are in a big pan, this way, my portions are controlled.  I can take two of them for 114 calories and feel like I splurged.  In a pan, I would keep cutting of little chunks and never feel like I got enough, it’s all those mind tricks J.

With all the craziness I had taken off Friday for a relaxing day with Paul, but decided I needed a mental health day and took tomorrow off too.  Paul said he would drop Belle off so I get to sleep late in my nice warm bed!  That means a 4 day week and a break from any “work” worries.  I finished my last bit of homework.   A total mental free weekend!

Unstoppable “mentally freed” Mariah