who is that girl?

I had a fantastic Easter with my family.  It was so much fun to see them and we had a great time.  I've had a really great realization the past few days.  If I don't like something about myself, I have the power to change it.  If I want to do something or be something, I can make it happened.  Okay, I know this might sound really logical, and its been something I've told other people.  The thing is, now I really believe it about myself.  I can do anything I put my mind to, it might take a long time, or it might take certain sacrifices, but the bottom line is, I can accomplish anything I'm willing to set my mind to and make it a priority.  What a freeing thought?! 

With this thought came the desire to explore something I've always wanted to do, but thought as a "fat girl" I couldn't.  Paintball!  So after a few beers and card playing, I asked my little brother Scotty to shoot me with a paintball gun, I wanted to see if I had the guts.  Turns out I totally do, Thanks Scotty for the test.  Why let my size stand in the way of doing something I really want to try, I'm going to play paintball and I don't care if my butt is a big target :) 

Speaking of paintball, I ran into my friend Priya in the parking lot today.  She's going to join me in paintballing!  While Paul doesn't know this yet, I think of Priya almost every time I get frustrated with him (he'll know now, cats out of the bag).  Priya lost her husband unexpectedly and quickly this past year.  I'm amazed at her courage and ability to wake up everyday and put a smile on her face.  She has two small children and I can't begin to imagine the challenges she faces on a daily basis.  When I get frustrated with Paul, I think of Priya and how much she misses her husband and remind myself that life is short and I try to put it in perspective.  What amazes me is how many of the same feelings she has going thru her grieving process and I did with mine.  They are totally different losses, but yet so many of the same strange and unexpected feelings come up.   I'm looking forward to getting to know Priya even more and growing closer to her. 

I also had a chance to see my old team.  It was so much fun and it was pretty cool hearing so many people be amazed at my new skinner self.  I'm somewhat curious to see if they noticed to more confident sure of herself Mariah too.  Sari had her first day back since her last chemo treatment and she looks totally FAB.  I really hope that if I ever get cancer and have chemo, my bald head is 1/2 as cute as hers.

I love my new adventurous side, I used to be so play it by the book, safe and secure blah blah blah.  I'm staring to not be afraid to "fail" because I guess in so many ways I don't feel like a failure when I fall.  I just brush the dust off and jump again, next time, I just try to cushion the blow.  I wonder if this new feeling will last and if so, what it will bring :)

Unstoppable "adventure seeking" Mariah