The fun continues . . . .

What a stressful week this has been.  I'm so beyond burnt out from layoffs.  It
started off Tuesday, went into Wednesday and still was going on today.  While I'm
thankful my group hasn't been impacted yet, we still don't have the all clear.  It's no
fun seeing people walk out with boxes full of their stuff or wanting to jump every time
your phone rings because it could be from a "bad room" (the layoff rooms).  The sad
news, it goes into next week as well.  I just wish they would do it in one big mass
swoop.  Maybe it could be like American Idol when they put the contestants in a room,
this room is safe, this room is done for.  Wouldn't it just be easier on everyone?   The
one big change for me from the last layoffs is how I'm responding with the stress.  While I
haven't been eating my best, I haven't eaten my family out of house and home.  Last time
I went nuts, like donuts, Mac and cheese, brownies, ice cream, chips, comfort food to the
max.  This time, I'm not eating as good as I normally do, but it's been badness in
moderation.  WHOO HOOO for me :)

I'm so excited and nervous for the Tri this weekend.  I can't believe it's almost time! 
Tonight Paul and I will start getting all of our stuff together and ready to roll.  We
talked and we are going to do this Tri sticking together.  I can't wait for the newbie's
to get a feel for what it's like to accomplish something so great.  How cool is it that
they will now be able to call themselves Triathletes?!  It's a pretty honorable title and
something amazing to be able to proclaim.  I'm really trying to focus on not being overly
worried with my time and concentrating more about this being the first real race of the
season and a check in for my fitness level.  It will help me know what and where I need
to focus on for my other events.  In some ways I still allow myself to be intimidated in
"fitness activates".  I have this mean little inner voice that I try really
hard to drowned out with positive thoughts.  I know, sounds crazy, but if I can admit I
sounds crazy I can't be too far gone.  This little mean voice mocks me about being the
BIG girl doing an athletic activity.  I wonder what real athletes think of the fat girl
trying to be athletic.  I wonder if they think I'm fooling myself or if they think I can
do it.  I wonder if they are grossed out by my larger than life bottom and legs.  Then I
remember, ahh duhhhh, I'm Unstoppable Mariah!  1- I am a real athlete, 2- they are more
worried about their times then caring about how I'll do, 3- I really don't think they
care what I look like.  So evil little voice, put a cork in it.  Cause if you don't, my
athletic bigger than life bottom is going to sit on you!

Unstoppable "voice sqwashing" Mariah