I have been neglecting posting lately due to my crazy schedule. Between work, school, home and exercising sometimes I run out of time. I did however want to check in and let you know my great news today. I’m at my lowest weight since I’ve started trying to lose. This morning I weighed in at 259 pounds. At the first of the year I was 272.4 after some holiday weight gain. WHOO HOOOO!!! I’ve lost 6.5 pounds since being introduced to my new BFF BUD (as Paul named him, Body Upgrade Device) and just about 13.5 since the first of the year.
BUD has been keeping me in line. I still have to make the right good choices, I still have to exercise, I still have to plan, however BUD makes these decisions easier. I’ve tried weight watchers before, but it never stuck for me and yet this tool is very similar in tracking food. I’m been trying to figure out why this is working so much better for me. It’s because can see exact calories in and out, my steps, my activity level etc click with me. Seeing it “Black and White” makes it simple and registers in my mind better then points did. It seems so elementary and it works so great for me. I’m so happy Jason introduced BUD to me because it really is my BFF. This is by no means a dig at weight watchers, I think everyone needs to find the tool that works for them, BUD isn’t for everyone. I find I’m actually a little compulsive with it so I’m trying to keep balance. I want to check my status right away when I get home if we are out. It’s taken a little bit of time to get used to the logging of the food. If they don’t have a food already in their database I can create one from the nutritional information on the label. You can also create your own recipes and it saves all of this data. This means I’m growing my own database and it’s tailored to me. With good planning I can log my meals and snacks for the day right away in the morning and add or subtract as needed. It’s amazingly actuate with its calculations because I can tell you based on its number what the scale will tell me.
I’m slowly starting to feel good about my body. I am starting to look myself in the mirror and not look away the second I see flesh. It’s a great feeling to not feel ashamed or in denial every time I look into the mirror. I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m much farther then I was a year ago and next year I’ll be even farther. I am 3lbs away from my 50lb mark. Sometimes I feel like I look like the same person on the outside that I did before I started my journey. It’s strange, because it some ways I notice the small changes in my body but I’m sorta in disbelief about them. For example, I’m noticing my stomach having a different look to it. Instead of being one round pouch, it’s now a smaller pouch with indent in the middle making almost two small oval pouches. However when I look in the mirror as a whole, I don’t see any changes. It’s strange how your mind plays tricks on you, either I never saw myself for as large as I was or I still see myself as 306lbs. I wonder if that will ever change? It’s only when I look at pictures of my highest weight do I realize how different I’m starting to look. It’s strange to run into people that I haven’t seen in awhile and their amazement with how different I look. I can relate because with my husband’s weight loss, he looks amazing. He has always been a loveable and adorable man. But now, he’s HOT. I mean like oh yeah, HOT! We’ve been shopping before and he’ll run to grab something from a different isle and come back and I see this cute guy looking at me from the corner of my eye. I’ll never get bored of realizing it’s my cute husband. Whenever that happens I just want to give him a huge hug and a big kiss. It’s not that I wasn’t in love with him before, I had found him attractive before, but just in different ways. I love him the same as I’ve always loved him, but part of it is his attitude change. I love how good he feels about himself. I love how he carries himself with pride and that he cares about the way he presents himself. He’s kinda the whole package now.
I’m still in shock with how well BUD is working for me. I keep waiting for that setback, I’m trying to figure out how to let those fears go. I’ve lost weight before and put it back on. This is the longest I’ve been on a weight loss trend. Before I would lose 30lbs and within 6-9 months gain it back. I’ve been at this for over a year and almost down 50lbs, the most weight I’ve ever lost. I wonder if others struggling with weight have these same fears and worries? Is this something that is normal as you start hitting your bigger goal marks? Once I hit my 50lb (256lb) mark my next goal is 250 lbs. I can’t even imagine how cool that will be. It’s funny thinking 250 feels small, but after being 306, it honestly is. When I break up my goals in small increments, like 5lbs, or exercising 3 days this week, or trying a new vegetable, it works. It’s hard to keep in that mindset and not focus on losing it all at once or changing everything at once. Sometimes I feel a little lost in all the changes I’ve made. In so many ways it feels like I found myself but at the same time, like I lost myself as well. Sometimes parting with the person I used to be is a little sad and embracing the new is scary. The old me is predictable and known, the new me is undiscovered and unknown. What will I uncover, who will I find in the end, and do I have the courage to keep moving forward? Who knows what I'll uncover, it never ends so I'll aways be changing, and of course I have the courage, I'm unstoppable.
Unstoppable almost 50lbs smaller Mariah
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