Stepping outside my comfort zone

My mind has been spinning, so I’ve neglected to blog.  I’ve been reading fellow bloggers posts and it’s amazing how different and similar so many of our journeys are.  The weight loss journey is such a roller-coaster with incredible unbelievable highs to quickly falling into devastating dramatic lows.  I’m feeling like I’m starting to be on the upside of a roller-coaster after my devastating low of my foot injury.  I feel pride in the fact I keep fighting the good fight and that I’m willing to do what’s needed to continue moving forward in my journey (however slow it might be at times).  Reading other blogs encourages and inspires me.  I need to figure out how to list them on here so I can share my favorite blogger websites with you. 

I went to a conference called the Women of Faith this weekend with a group of friends.  I’ve never been to an event like this.  In an effort to grow and challenge myself I’ve been doing new things even if it’s outside my comfort zone.  I didn’t know what to expect and was really surprised how much I learned when I was there.  This proved to be an experience that I can definitely grow from.   I came home with some “to do’s” and am trying to find the courage to do them.  I’m confident that if I’m willing to take action on what I’ve learned that I will be able to move forward a stronger person and remove the barriers that have currently stalled my progress in my journey of health.

In the next few posts I’ll be sharing the steps I’ll be taking in forgiveness, ownership of self, trust, and anxiety/depression.  Just the thought of this scares me greatly yet there is an element of excitement and anticipation of relief of what it means for the big picture. 

Unstoppable “moving forward one step at a time” Mariah

Back on the Joggin’ Wagon

I’m back on the walk/jogging wagon.  It’s painfully wonderful.  On Monday night, I went about 3 miles around the park.  I did intervals with 30 seconds of slow jogging followed by 90 seconds of fast walking.  About 1/3 of the way through the mind games started, I forgot how challenging those negative thoughts are to overcome.  While physically I knew I could do it, mentally it was a whole different story.  I had forgotten my headphones at work which help to drowned out those negative thoughts.  Instead it was me and those thoughts, the words kept repeating themselves.   One particular thought really got under my skin, “What makes you think you are capable and good enough to do this?”.  This was followed by “what makes you think you are strong enough?”.  With that, I really started to wonder why in the world I thought I could do this, why I was doing this and what the value in it is.   No matter how much I tried to pump myself up, the negative kept at me.  I an effort to not let it overcome me, I decided to give myself a break and decided to just stop thinking about my emotions.  I instead focused on the sights around me.  I took it 30 seconds at a time and didn’t worry about how long it would take me or the next interval coming up.  At the last part of the run, I decided I needed to do something to prove the negative thoughts wrong.  I thought about how strong my Mom told me I was and I thought back to everything I’ve overcome.  With that, I jogged 4 minutes straight, I fought back tears of joy as I slowly and steadily jogged.  I kept my breathing steady and calm and just kept running through the feeling of uncomfortable (back pain, ankle pain, leg cramps etc).  I kicked the negative thoughts right in the BUTT, it was AWESOME!!!!!!  I’m still giddy, my first real jog in a very very long time and I jogged 4 minutes straight.   My legs are still sore today, but I joke they are just screaming saying THANK YOU.  I’m going to hop on the elliptical tonight and then back to some running again Thursday.  My goal is to jog at least 3 times a week to get ready for the Thanksgiving 5K.  I don’t think I’ll be able to run the whole thing, but it’s okay because I get to be there with my family doing it.      

Unstoppable “leg screaming” Mariah

Did you know?

In an effort to be transparent and honest as well as to share with you a little bite more about me, I came up with a list of things to share.  I'm guessing many of my readers may not know some of these things, in fact, when I started to really think about this list, some of them took me by surprise as well.

Did you know that . . . . . . . .

·         Fall is my favorite time of the season because I love the cool, crisp air and cuddling

·         Meeting new people scares the crap out of me

·         I have trust issues that I struggle to fix

·         Food fills my emotional voids

·         The sound of rain and faint thunder calms, relaxes and makes me happy beyond belief

·         Hard cries scare me because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop

·         I have problems with control and anxiety that I'm trying to let go of

·         Helping other people brings me great joy

·         I love paranormal movies that make me jump, even if I have to close my eyes and hide under the blanket

·         I often wonder why people like me and don't get when people want to spend time  with me

·         Winter blues plague me almost every March

·         I thank God every day that I have the privilege of being a Mother

·         I'm an expert avoider, just ask my husband

·         I'm more broken than I like to admit, but am coming to terms with it and learning what I need to be unbroken

·         My biggest fear is losing Belle and/or Paul

·         I dislike failing yet I hold back because my fear of succeeding is larger than my dislike of failing

·         Mondays are hard for me, if I could skip them I would, in fact I'm convinced I'll die on a Monday

·         I LOVE to cook and hope to have a "Dream" kitchen one day, when I'm done with school I'd like to take cooking classes

·         If I ever win the lottery or strike it rich, I'd set up a non-profit organization to help parents of stillborn children/infant death pay for unexpected expenses life funerals, headstones, burial, counceling, etc

·         Driving over bridges scares me so I have to close my eyes, which becomes an issue when I'm driving

·         Turns out, I actually do like working out, who knew!?!?!?!

·         I've learned to embrace my size and what I can do instead of being ashamed, I like that  I prove that a "big girl" can be a triathlete too

·         I am TERRIFIED of spiders, they make me scream like a little girl

·         I'm not a huge fan of surprises

So now you know a little bit more about me, what about you?  What’s something I might not know that you are willing to share?

Unstoppable "yeah, I'm a little crazy special" Mariah

What is the key to Balance?

I’m still struggling with life balance.  Balance with food, family, health, school, work, housework etc.   As I read other blogs and listen to those around me, I know I’m not alone in this struggle.  I need to come to terms with the fact that this will most likely always be a struggle of some sort and at times I’ll do better than others.   The moment I start excelling at one area, another seems to fail.  I have learned to come to appreciate the importance of holistic balance, it’s as essential to success in life as breathing is to survival in life.   
I’m slowly getting back into working out.  I plan to hit it harder next week as my ankle has also been slowly getting more swollen as I increase my activity.  Again, it goes back to balance.  Learning where that line is can be difficult as it moves as well.  Paul, Belle and I will be going out around the park Saturday for a family walk/jog, I’m really excited.  I miss and love that time together as a family.
 
Belle had conferences last night and it reminded me how blessed we are as parents.  School comes pretty natural to Hannah.  She excels at Math/Science and does really well in reading as well.  I joke with her that when I get to my college math classes I’ll be going to her with help, turns out it’s not so much of a joke as it will be reality as she’s already testing at a high school level. 
 
The past few weeks Paul and I have talked more about the Disneyworld Marathon in January 2013.  Tentatively we will be going 1/7/2013-1/11/2013 or 1/12/2013 with the marathon being on 1/08/2013.  I’ve gone back and forth with running the ½ but just don’t think it’s the right time for me. As we started looking at budgets, cost etc, it started hitting us.  Paul is going to run a marathon, it’s no longer a “one day” I want to do this.  It’s a holy cow on 1/08/2013 Paul will be running 26.2 miles.  I’m so proud of him.  I can’t wait to see his transformation in the next 14 months.  There are several race dates set aside for him to build up to the marathon, in March he’ll be doing a 10 Mile, next October the monster dash ½ marathon and then to Disney for the full Marathon.
 
I myself am focus on getting back to 5K’s.  This weekend I’m hoping to get a little jogging in, next year my goal is to complete my first 10 Mile run.  I’m proud and excited for this.  I dream of being able to do an international distance Triathlon.  It’s great to have goals on our calendars help keep us accountable on a daily/weekly basis.  Both Paul and I do better when we register for events to keep us in line.
 
Unstoppable “learning the balance act” Mariah

Guest Post- Paul Bautch 10K

My running journey began almost a year ago. I signed up for a class on how to run a 5K and with my class fee, I was signed up to run a 5K. I was very nervous and apprehensive. During the running classes, we would go out for a mile and a half and run for about 10 minutes at a time. I thought I would collapse. We gradually increased the running time and distance. By the end of the training, I was very scared to run the 5K. The day of the 5K came. I worked that day and had the run after work. I was very worried about running the 5K. I just decided that I was going to run the whole thing. I ran my first 5K and ran the whole way.

After a year, I’ve now run my first 10K. As you can imagine, I was very apprehensive. The park, behind our house, has a three mile looping path. It’s easy to run (nearly) a 5K. I’ve only run twice around, so far. Each time, I think I would run two times around, I would come up with an excuse to run only once.

My biggest problem is and has been random thoughts popping into my head. The thought that my leg hurts, so I should stop. The thought that I’m a little tired, so I should stop. The thought that I’m too thirsty to continue, so I should stop. My training has been just about the same amount of running as it is training my mind to think of something else and getting those random thoughts out.

Like Mariah, I’ve been struggling with eating lately. I’ve gained some weight back. Even with my weight gain, I still ran the entire 10K, in the time that I wanted. I wanted to come in under one hour and ten minutes. I finished in one hour, eight minutes, and 57 seconds!

Mariah and I are contemplating hitting the gym this weekend. My first thought was “I’m going to run on the treadmill. I’m going to run as much as I want” Then I thought “What If I get tired? What if I get bored?” I can do it. I can run as much as I want. I’m going to train to do a marathon and I’m going to lose the weight I want. Because I decide what I do and I’m the only one who can stop me.

Paul “10K runnin’” Bautch

Who are those people in the pictures?

Paul and I have both been struggling with food choices and realizing how far we’ve come.  While logically we can describe and list how different our lives are, we often look in the mirror and can’t see it.  When we look at our bodies we are overly critical which leads to setbacks.  I notice rolls on my stomach, my large thighs and arms, my junk in the truck etc.  Because our weight loss has been 2 plus year journey, it’s hard to see day to day changes.  I had a HUGE shock today when I found my pre-tri pictures from 2009.  To show how much we’ve both changed I’ve include Pauly pics as well.

I plan to print these pictures out and hang them up in a few places.   It helps remind me what I’m working towards and how far I’ve come.  It helped make me realizes that it’s been worth the 2 plus year investment and if it takes me just as long to loose another 50, it’s well worth it.

Unstoppable “picture loving” Mariah