Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Shifting my focus

Last week I talked about being stuck, well I'm still stuck so I've decided to shift my focus.  I find myself hyper focused on my number due to my fear of going back to 306lbs.  I was so unhappy then, I was so different then, I love who I am now and I never want to go back.  When the scale goes up and down, I feel like I'm so discombobulated and that I can't get on track or feel good about myself.  I've decided I'm in control, not the scale, so for the next two weeks I will be focusing on NSV's (Non-Scale Victories).  This requires me to step away from the scale as I'm unable to let the number go and enjoy my NSV's.

Some of my NSV's will be to log my calories diligently, drink more water, work out 5 days, etc.  I'm both excited and nervous to change focus.  Worried that the number will somehow go up and I don't know where that will put me mentally, but excited because I feel really successful and proud of my NSV's.  In weight, I'm still around that 50-55 lbs weight loss mark.   It doesn't seem like much anymore with being at this for so long.  While my journey start back in July of 2009, I started getting serious and seeing the weight lost in the past 18 months.  The past 6 months have been up and down. With it feeling like I’ve been at this forever, wish I was more in the 75 to 100 lb range for weight loss.  However when I look at my NSV's, I see a different picture.  I guess you could say in that aspect, I feel like I’m 70% there.   I love typing that J

The 5K with the PriorFatPack was great yesterday.  They are seriously an amazing group of people.  How can you not be empowered when surrounded by them!  They inspire me and motivate me to continue to be Unstoppable Mariah.  While I didn't make the time I really wanted, I did have a PB (personal best) and for that I'm proud.  As my friend Ann told the PriorFatPack Sunday night, we are all faster than someone sitting on their couch.  I'm really confident I'll get to where I want with jogging.  I used to be afraid that I couldn't, now I know I will.  My current goal is to be able to do the TC 5K on October 1st in under 40 minutes.  My current PB for an event is 46:42.  NSV number 1!  I do have to give a shout out to my hubby Paul.  He hasn't been running or training very much and yet he kicked BUTT!  Seriously AWESOME, he completed the 5K in . . . . 33:05!  Yes, he is a runner, he's going to be doing the TC 10K on Oct 1st with aspirations of completing a full marathon one day.  One of the best things about our new healthy lifestyles is that after 10 years of marriage, we are still growing together, and falling more in love. Cheesy I know, but it’s really true.  He loves when I’m confident and willing to take new challenges on.  I love it when he finds such passion and his discipline in training (like doing P90X- Crazy).  Together we help support each other when we fall back on old ways and encourage each other to keep pushing forward.

Another NSV I'd like to share with you today, is my current event schedule for 2011.  I was so proud and excited to see this once I had it all written down in one place.  I kinda amazed myself.  There is an additional one I'm thinking about doing on July 20th as well.  I just signed up for the YWCA Tri today.  This means 5 Tri's this year . . . . Holy BATMAN that’s so cool.  I’m in the 250’s a still rock’n my body! 

1/30/2011- Celebrate the Lakes 5K
3.1 miles=  52:58 minutes

4/10/2011- Indoor Tri Family
10 minute swim= .18 miles, 30 minute bike= 4.44 miles, 30 minutes jog= 2 miles

4/30/2011- Pro Fitness Indoor Outdoor Tri
500 yard swim=14:45, 20K bike= 1:06:45, 5K jog= 59:38

5/8/2011- Race for a Cure 5K
3.1 mile jog= 47:35 minutes, 3.1 mile walk 62:00

5/30/2011- Challenge Minds and Hearts 5K
3.1 mile jog- 46:42 minutes

6/12/2011- Trinona= .25 mile swim, 11 mile bike, 5k jog    
My Goal Times are 15 minute swim, T1- 5 minutes, 50 minute bike, T2- 2 minutes, 45 minute run= Total 1:57

6/25/2011- Go Commando= 5K with 10 obstacles    
My Goal Time, none, I’m just looking to survive!

7/10/2011- Trek= .5 mile swim, 12 mile bike, 5k jog    
My Goal Times are 30 minute swim, T1- 5 minutes, 55 minute bike, T2- 2 minutes, 45 minute run= Total 2:17

7/30/2011- Cancer 5K= 3.1 mile jog    
My Goal Time is 43 minutes

8/14/2011- YWCA Tri= 500 yard swim, 15.5 mile bike, 5K jog    
My Goal Time=TBD

9/25/2011- Tentative- Duathlon = 2 mile jog, 33K bike, 2 mile jog    
My Goal Time=TBD

10/1/2011- TC 5K= 3.1 mile jog    
My Goal Time= UNDER 40!

Unstoppable "Rock'n the NSV" Mariah

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day- Hug a Vet Today

Today was an amazing day.  While I didn't make the time I wanted, I did better then my last 5K and had a blast with the PriorFatPack.  I'm starting something new in my events.  During each event, I will give tribute and honor something or someone.  That's how my journey started, honoring my son Joey and finding peace with his passing.

Today it felt fitting to give honor and tribute to my Dad.  I am a thankful and proud daughter of a Vietnam Vet.  While it's been emotional for me to share this with him, I do feel it important to recognize him for the sacrifices he made for our country.  I'm thankful for him and all of the members of the military, not because I agree or disagree with war, but because these individuals are willing to make huge sacrifices for ALL of us.  When I felt like I couldn't run, I thought of my Dad.  He was willing to serve his country when it was "hard", when it wasn't easy, when he wasn't home to see my brother, his first born child born.  My Dad along with so many others made scarifies I am unwilling to make.  I think about what these men and woman are willing to do.  They may leave behind mothers, fathers, children, significant others etc, for us.  I'm amazed at their courage and unselfishness.  I love that Hannah appreciates and thinks it's so cool that my Dad served our country.  It's really cute because to her, he's kinda a celebrity.  So Dad, THANK YOU.  Thank for being a role model.  Thank you for being willing to make sacrifices, thank you for making the world a safer and better place.  Thank you for your example which reminds me to appreciate the freedoms I am lucky to experience. I am and always will be proud to be your daughter.

Unstoppable "Proud Daughter of a Vietnam Vet" Mariah

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Still Stuck :(

What did I learn at the nutritionist today? That I'm doing everything right and that plateaus happened.  Frustrating and happy at the same time.  I figured since I was doing everything right and it's not working well for the scale, I would try something wrong.  I know a bit childish and probably not the healthiest responds, but it was my responds. So I went to McDonald's, so bad, so wrong and guess what?  It was not as good as I remember.  I was waiting for the fries to taste like I remembered, for the chicken nuggets to make me smile but nada, it was just blah.  Good news, I won't be eating McDonald's anytime soon again.

After taking some time to reflect, I think I'm going to take a few days off.  A few days off from logging food, a few days off from weighing in, a few days off to just focus on other things.  Then after the weekend I'll think about my next steps.  I'm thinking about seeing a different nutritionist/dietitian, while my biggest fear was being told I needed to revamp everything, I'm disappointed not to get any feedback on what I can change.  I feel stuck and worse, I feel stopped in my tracks.  I'm unstoppable Mariah, I don't want to stop!  I know I need to look at NSV (none scale victories) and I will, but for a few days, I just want to clear my head. I have other options to look into and I will when I'm ready to.  I'm so thankful I have the 5K with the priorfatpack Monday, this will help get me feeling chipper and ready to focus again.

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.  It helps me so much during this vulnerable days.  It helps me stay Unstoppable.  I promise I haven't given up, I won't give up, I love myself too much for this to hold me back for long.

Unstoppable "McDonald's Eating" Mariah

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


That in one word sums up how I'm feeling today . . . . scattered.  I'm feeling great about my jogging interval training, stuck and angry with my weight loss.  Excited about the 5K on Monday, nervous and excited to meet my fellow members of the PriorFatPack.  Shocked that Trinona is now 18 days away and feel totally unnerved! 18 days, holy crap!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm a whole basket full of emotions today.

The scale is driving me nuts, I can't seem to get out of the 250's no matter what I try.  I have my appointment with the nutritionist/dietician tomorrow.  I'm really unsure of what to expect.  I'm worried that what they share with me won't fit into my lifestyle.  I really want to have a balanced approach that includes moderation.  I know it will be critical for me to share my expectations and desires, but am worried my expectations are holding my weight loss back.  One thing I'm learning about myself is I fear the unknown.  I have no idea what to expect or what will come out of it.  I'm scared they will judge me for being overweight, I'm scared they will judge me for my food choices.  I'm afraid of them wondering why it took me so long to realize I needed to change.  I'm worried I won't be able or willing to make the changes they recommend.  I need to take a deep breath and take a step back to put it in perspective.  
1.      Hooray for me for having the courage to take this step.
2.      I can set boundaries for the appointment and let them know my feelings.
3.      I'm more capable of more than I give myself credit for.
4.      I really don't like what they have to say, I can see someone else, take another approach, one size does not have to fit all.  
Okay, that feels way better now.  I’m still anxious but feel like I’ve given myself some tools to help me be open and willing to check this out. 
I purchased a new bike this weekend and I'm in LOVE.  I miss Barney, but he's been adopted by a wonderful person whom I know will provide him a loving and welcoming home.  I ended up falling head over heels for an unexpected bike at REI.  It didn't "look" like a bike I would love, but once I got on it, I was sold.  REI was amazing when I went.  Jim from the bike area quickly became my BFF and treated me with such respect and wanted to make sure I got the best bike in my price range.  He wanted to make sure it was the right fit and would meet my needs without pressuring me to spend more then what I was comfortable with.  I took my new bike out for a ride Sunday and was AMAZED at the speed, at times Paul and I got to over 20 miles per hour and I was comfortably regularly biking at over 12 miles per hour.  This means, with practice I should easily be able to be under 1 hour for my bike time in the Tri's.  Now I'm looking for a name and need YOUR help.  Please help me come up with a good name for the new member of my family :)

Unstoppable “nameless new bike owner” Mariah

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Am I dreaming?

Oh yeah, I think I may become an official jogger (insert shocked face here).  I had to wait a day to blog because it felt too good to be true.  I was afraid it was a one day crazy high, but turns out, this may stay for awhile.  Based on some feedback from 2 friends, thanks Ann and Jodi, I combined their advice and tried something new.  Paul, the handy dandy stopwatch and I went out for a 3 mile jog/walk.  Jodi talked to be about the Jeff Galloway interval training method and Ann talked to me about jogging slow.  I took both and started interval training with slow jogging.  I start with a 30 second jog, walk for 1:30 seconds, by the middle I was throwing in some 35 seconds of jogging and 1:25 of walking.  Sunday, it took me 49 minutes, but not once did I cry, get angry, have foul words come out of my mouth, in fact afterwards, we went for a 6 mile bike ride.   I enjoyed it, I liked it, it was  . . . FUN!  Crazy right?! 
I was afraid this was maybe a fluke, so I couldn’t bring myself to blog about it Sunday night.  Paul and I went out last night, I had to test this new way of jogging out.  This time, we started with 35 second jogging and 1:25 seconds of walking.  We threw a few 40 second jogging and 1:20 of walking.  In the end I even jogged longer to the finish line because I felt SO good.  Once again, I didn’t  cry, get angry, and no foul words came out of my mouth.  My time last night . . . . 45 minutes.  Oh yeah (dancing in my chair)!  It felt great, I had to push myself, I had to work on my breathing.  The change, it was doable.  I was 100% more comfortable then I was during my last 5K.  I signed up for another one on Memorial Day with the PriorFatPack gang and I’m hoping I have my new Jeff Galloway interval timer in the mail so I can do intervals during the event.

So what did I learn
1-      that yes, I have asthma, and if I don’t deal with it, it kicks my rear end, I must use my inhaler and use it correctly
2-      interval training is for me, I love love love it (still can’t believe I’m typing that)
3-      it’s okay to jog slow, new motto, jog like no one is watching!
4-      be open and willing to take advice from friends and you can tweak it to make it work for you
5-      to always double wrap my icky foot, again, admitting and treating my weaknesses
6-      to get faster and comfortable with anything, I must be consistent in my efforts (meaning trying something more than once and giving up)
7-      that I can be and do anything I’m willing to put the effort in to

Now if I can only get out of the darn 250’s, but it will come, I just need to keep sticking with it.  When I do reach 249, I’m going to know it was because I had the courage to be Unstoppable! 

Unstoppable "becomming a jogger" Mariah

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Good & The Bad

I had shared a few days ago about having increased issues with breathing.  While I kept telling myself so much of this was in my head, turns out, not so much.  My allergy/asthma doctor required me to come if after I called asking for my inhaler to be refilled since I was having some additional issues.  Based on my answers to some questions they had some concerns and wanted to see me in their office.

This leads to the bad.  Turns out, it's not allergy induced asthma, rather it's plain old asthma.  It was a little hard to take in.  I'm working on getting healthy being more active and another bump (another excuse for me to use) pops up.  I have enough issues with my tendinitis, extra fat bouncing and emotional frustrations to overcome while working out, do I really need to add this too?  Then I take a deep breath (hee hee kinda ironic given my new label of being asthmatic) and realize, this isn't really a big deal.  I really like the doctor, he hooked me up with what they call a controller inhaler.  This new inhaler should help me keep my daily asthma symptoms more controlled, leading to less frequent use of my rescue inhaler.  He ran some additional tests to verify that some of my allergies hasn't changed since last year either (cat, dog, dust) since I'm significantly worse this year with breathing.   He wrote up a asthma management plan for me and I'm confident I will be able to control my symptoms and learn to cope with this new development.  After all, I'm Unstoppable Mariah :)

The good news, now this really makes me smile.  I kept having double takes when I looked at my weight on the computer screen in the office, I kept thinking they got the numbers mixed up, because there was no way I could be that much lower from where I started, but yes it was right.  Then I noticed "morbid obesity" was still on my chart.  I asked the doctor in light of my weight loss, could he update it to reflect obese.  He kinda gave me a strange look so I repeated myself in layman terms.  I said "can you update my chart from Morbidly Obese, really fat to Obese, just fat?  Hopefully next time you see me, we can update it to a little fat, overweight."  He said he would do that for me and change it before my eyes.  I'm still smiling!!!  YUPPPIIEEEE. 

While I added Asthma to my records, I removed morbidly obese.  I'll take that trade any day.

Unstoppable "getting my breath back" Mariah

Thursday, May 12, 2011

My achilles heel

I have a weakness.  It comes in a silver can.  It’s bubbly, sweet and give me a much need jolt every morning.  I really love the stuff.  I feel like when I take my first sip of it, that’s the moment my day starts.  I can begin to have conversation with people, smile and think.  Who knew such a wonderful product existed?  However this vice, this magical drink isn’t the best for my health.  Oh yes Diet Coke, I will give you up one day regardless of the joy you bring me.  My co-workers know my arrival at work by the sound of the can opening.  That familiar sound brings a smile to my face.  In all fairness to myself and my friend diet coke, I’m much better about my “drinking” habit then I used to be.  In any given day it wouldn’t be uncommon for me to drink 3-6 cans of it.  When I would only bring 2 cans to work and need more, I would just buy some at work (sorry Pauly, I love you).  I would also have some with dinner and as I watched TV or did homework.  So I guess maybe sometimes I would drink more then 6.   I gasp as I read that, so bad, so bad (shaking my head in shame).  Paul often worries about this habit of mine.  He likes to joke with me about it, but it’s in concern for my health.  He used to tease me that diet coke runs in my veins.  I have cut back to regularly consuming one can each morning and if I go out to lunch or dinner, I drink water instead of another diet coke.  Today I’m starting something new.  Did you know they have little 8 oz cans of Diet Coke.  They are like baby Diet Cokes that hold the same joy as their parent cans, but help me wean off.  It’s not that it’s horrible to drink one can of pop a day, but I really want to get to a place where I’m not addicted to bad habits.  This is a bad habit . . . isn’t that step one.  WHO HOOO FOR ME J 

Today, I’ll enjoy my 8 oz can and not miss my 4 missing oz.  I will bask in the joy of realizing how far I’m coming on this journey as I used to drink anywhere from 36 oz to 72 oz and I’m now drinking 8 oz and I’m satisfied.   Starting May 30th, I’ll start my next phase of phasing out diet coke where I’m committed to enjoy 3 days of diet coke drinking in my 8 oz cans and learning to start my day without it 2 days during the week.   I have decided to cut cold turkey on the weekends and figure out a “natural” way to start my morning.  My end goal will included allowing myself one diet coke a week, because for me, that is representative of healthy balance.  Anyone else out there have weakness of bad habit of soda?  Do you want to join me in kicking it to the curb?

Unstoppable “stopping my diet coke habit” Mariah

Monday, May 9, 2011

Searching for brick walls to smash

I woke up this morning feeling like a very old woman.  While I didn’t make my desired time, my body doesn’t seem to know that.  It feels like instead of the walk/jog of 15.7 minute miles, that I ran 10 minute miles.   I’m starting to fall in love with working out hard enough to make my body ache the next day.  Not that it horribly screams at me, but each sore muscle reminds me of a job well done.

My post yesterday was pretty emotional for me, but I don’t want people to think I’m giving up.  The truth is, if I didn’t have set backs, I wouldn’t push harder.  Each wall speed bump I hit, makes me so much stronger and more determined.  I often think of The Last Lecture by Randy Paush.  I’m a Tigger.  I bounce, bounce, bounce.  He talks about brick walls being put there to stop the people who don’t want it bad enough.   I view each and every wall or speed bump as character building.  Every time I’m willing to smash down a wall or remove a speed bump, I build up my myself. 
Yesterday was a perfect example of that.  If it’s simple to overcome or there is nothing to overcome, there is no reward or sense of accomplishment for a job well done.   I’m thankful for those who love me unconditionally and accept me for my faults and flaws.  They continue to push me and motivate me to be Unstoppable Mariah.  You know who you are and I’m sending you all big hugs. 

I think I’m going to start posting my BUD information online.  It would be a great way to be more accountable for logging my food and to keep motivated for my steps and burning calories.  I didn’t log my food yesterday or today, but I will promise to log them tmrw. 

Calories Burned- 4112
Calories Consumed- not logged
Moderate Physical Activity- 132 Minutes
Vigorous Physical Activity- 48 minutes
Total Physical Activity- 3 hours
Steps Taken- 16,486
Sleep Duration- 6:46
Sleep Efficiency- 82%

Unstoppable “learning to love roadblocks and speed bumps” Mariah

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mixed Emotions

I'd like to start of this post giving Pam a huge shout for great milestone accomplishment this morning.  Pam ran her first 5K today at the Race for the Cure in amazing time.  She completed it in 45 minutes.  In fact if she hadn't stayed back with me for awhile I'm pretty sure she would have been under 43 minutes.   I'm so proud I was able to witness such an amazing accomplishment.  She has come so far in such a short time.  Way to go PAMMY!!!!

For me today, I had mixed emotions about the event and I'm still struggling to figure it all out.  I'm not sure what's going on in my head lately but this was another event that threw me for a loop.  I really am having a hard time with running.  I felt horrible for holding Pam back and was really thankful when we separated at mile two.  I wanted her to feel that she worked and pushed herself as hard as she could without worrying about me and I'm so glad she had the courage to do so.  I never want to be the reason for someone not reaching their goals.  I just could not keep up with her.  Every time I tried pushing harder my body yelled back at me that I couldn't push so hard.  In fact, it wasn't really my body.  It was my mind.  Running is mentally challenging for me, while I know my body can logically handle jogging more, my mind doesn't let me.  I wanted to finish the race in under 45 and was positive that I could but I ended up coming in a few seconds after 47 minutes.  While this is my fastest time for a 5K I'm still really really frustrated.  I know this might sound crazy to some people, but I'm mad because I know I have more in me.  I can do a Triathlon, why am I letting a 5K get in my way.  Secondly,  why am I so disappointed in myself when it was the best time I had.  I fought back the tears until I reached my car because I didn't want ruin others excitement of the day.  With that said, I thrilled to tell you that after the 5K run, Michele and Pam came up with the idea to do the 5K walk portion.  So in total we did a 10 K today.  The walk was so much fun and I really enjoyed that part, we finished in about 1:05.  This is the most I've travel on "foot" in one day :)

After some time talking things out (thanks to all you peeps I talked to) and self reflecting (thanks Mariah, lol), I think I know why I'm mentally block running.  I'm terrified even if I give it 100%, I still won't be good enough.  I'm afraid that even if I push myself as hard as I can, that I'll still suck.  That I'll jog as fast as I can, and I will still be slow.  Now I just gotta figure out how to remove that barrier, because I'm not willing to let this stop me, I'm not willing to let it hold me back.  I REFUSE TO GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This week, I am focused on fat girl baywatch jogging, not because I have to be a fast runner, but because I will break thru this mental barrier and be the best Mariah I can be.  If that means I only end up being able to do miles 15 minutes so be it, as long as I learn to give 100% without the fear of failing, then I've accomplished my goal.

Paul and Hannah gave me a wonderful Mothers Day.   I'm sitting in my new jammies as I'm writing this, I feel so lucky to have a wonderful Mother and get to experience the joy of Motherhood myself.  My new self allows me to enjoy these days without the guilt of moving on from losing Joey and other pregnancy losses.  This is a huge difference in my life and I'm so grateful and thankful.  I am wishing all of you out there a wonderful and peaceful Mothers Day.  Please give your Moma's and children an extra squeeze for me :)

Unstoppable "refusing to quit" Mariah

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Who knew?

Last year I started hitting my Tri Training hard during the peak of allergy season.  While I had already been working on my labor breathing while working out in the gym, I really struggled outside.  There were times I could barely catch my breath.   I was a little puzzled by this, but thought it was related to pushing up my training.  After hitting a wall with my allergies I went to see an allergist to learn I have severer pollen allergies.  My severe allergies had lead to what the doctor believe to be I had allergy induced asthma.  He prescribe various medications which included an inhaler called ProAir and allergy shots.  The inhaler made a huge difference when pushing myself outside.

Fast forward to this year, my breathing is much less labored.  My allergies are seemingly better, yet in the past few weeks I've been experiencing "breathing issues".  I emailed my doctor in hopes of getting my inhaler renewed feeling disappointed that even with allergies being better, my breathing issues were worse.  When the doctor called to discuss it with me, he started asking me a few question about what was going on.  Turns out those coughing attacks, wheezing when laughing really hard, tightness in the chest while running, that's asthma.  Who knew?  I guess I just had a different imagine of asthma in my mind.  I attributed so many of the asthma symptoms with being overweight.  So many of my health issues have gotten better due to losing weight, blood pressure, aches and pains, etc.  I just figure this was another on that would get better as I lost weight.   Now I'm trying a new inhaler and the minute I took my first dose, I was able to take a deep and wonderful breath. 

While I'm disappointed about this new bump in the road, I'm thankful for having tools to help me treat it.  I go back to the doctor Friday as he would like to do additional breathing tests etc.  I find it a little amusing that as I get smaller this is one issue that isn't getting better, rather it's getting worse.  Maybe it's because I didn't have it before, maybe it's because I didn't pay attention before, or maybe it's because I never pushed my body hard enough.  Regardless it's something I'll get used to and learn to treat in a manageable way.

Tomorrow Pam and I do the Race for the Cure 5K.  I'm excited and nervous at the same time.  I'm really proud and honored to be there for Pam's first race event.   She's come so far and she is so amazing.  Time to head to bed so I'm extra rested.  I'll post about it tmrw after the event.

Unstoppable "got my breath back" Mariah

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thirsty Thursday!

After a stressful few weeks things are starting to look up.  In fact, they are looking fantastic.  I have Happy Hour tonight to celebrate my former manager exploring new opportunities.  I really enjoyed working for her and am really excited for her even though I know she will be very missed by her current group.  It’s a nice time to get together with peeps for a fun occasion after the craziness at work.

I also finished my last required Micro Econ homework and test.  I’m excited to announce I got 87% in the class, which means if I’m okay with getting a B in the class, I can skip the final because our lowest test grade is dropped.  I keep telling myself it’s okay to get a B and as one of my co-workers taught me . . . “B’s get degrees”!   This means I’m on class break until May 23rd, oh yeah, 2.5 weeks of freedom!

Pam and I have the Race for the Cure, Mothers Day 5K Sunday.  While my allergies are presenting me with some asthma I’m still looking forward to the event and hoping to jog at least ½ of it.  I’m hoping the adrenal pushes me through it.  I was able to get my shirt and race number today because I signed up with work.  I’m rock’n the number 5414! 

Things at work are calmer due to the layoffs being done in my organization and I’ve gotten great Kudos from my director on a communication tool I created.  In my previous job I was very confident in my knowledge and abilities, my new job (okay year old job) I’m still so green and learning.  It’s a great group that is always willing to pass on knowledge.  The group’s dynamic is really something special and I feel really lucky to be part of it.  I don’t think there has been a day I haven’t gone without laughing or learning something new, what a great combination.

Since I’m feeling in such a chipper mood I couldn’t let it go to waste and I made an appt with a nutritionist.  This is something I’ve wanted to do, but let my fear stop me.  So today, I sucked it up and called.  The lady on the phone was either new or just challenged because she asked me 4 times what I wanted to be seen for after I told her the nutritionist I wanted to see.  On the fourth time I wanted to yell, I’m fat and want to learn about food, but instead I calmly replied nutritional assessment.  My appt is for June 25th at 12:30.   At the moment I’m pretty darn proud of having the courage to go, let’s see if it lasts J  There’s also a new chiropractor a friend told me about that I’m looking at exploring as well to see if they might be able to help me out with my ankle issues.   

Unstoppable “Soon to be Beer drinking” Mariah

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Trying in the Rain (Part 2)

I’m in awe about Saturday.  My last post left off as we were heading to the Pool for the swim portion of the Tri.  I had such a mixed bag of emotions, excitement, scared, nervous, happy, worried, it was so crazy strange. 

Heather and I before the swim, check out that rain :)

We each got our own lanes due to it being such a small group of darning Triathletes which was great.   The swim portion was indoor mile swim which equaled 10 laps in the pool (1 lap is back and forth).   Fitness Pro Spa even had volunteers that counted our laps so we could just concentrate on swimming.  I totally loved the gentlemen that helped me, I would smile and get excited every time I saw him because I knew I was one lap closer to getting out of the pool.  He also tried to help me not hit my head on the end of the pool, I would get so distracted I forgot to count strokes when I saw the flags.  Every time I would finish a lap I would yell the number out, while it did take my energy, it also helped motivate me stay unstoppable.  I’m very proud and excited to share that I swam my 1/3 mile in under 15 minutes.  WHHAAAHOOOOOO!!   I hopped out of the pool, gave Paul a few shouts of encouragement and then headed to the locker room to change, my muscles were so weak and shaking, but I just kept moving forward.

After changing and walking back over to the transition area, we jumped on our bikes.  It was still very rainy, cold and windy.  Nerves started hitting me, for me, this is when the real challenge began.  It was so DARN (I would really like to use another word) windy, rainy and cold.  Paul and I quickly found our place at the end of the pack, but we kept moving forward.  I told Paul he could leave me behind, but he refused.   There was one stretch of road that was brutal, the wind one so bad we barely going 10 miles per hour.   I started doubting my ability to make it and I started to cry.  I also cursed a little at the darn rain.  I kept asking myself why I was putting myself thru this.  Thankfully Pauly was there to help me work thru the emotions.  I thought about all of you out there, how could I come back to blogging and tell you I quit.  I’m Unstoppable Mariah, I DON’T QUIT, I keep moving forward.  There were times that rain came down from my helmet in a steady stream, but I didn’t stop, I kept going, I kept moving forward.  When it was time to make the second loop for the bike, I had to convince myself to not throw the towel in and start the run early.  I told myself the time doesn’t matter, this helps me grow stronger, I gotta do this.  I need to do this, I need to prove it to myself.  As people drove past us, I kept wondering if they thought we were totally off our rockers.  Who the heck bikes in weather like that.  We finished our 12.4 mile bike in 1:06 minutes, 20 minutes longer then my goal, but in all honesty the fact I kept going means more to me than my time. 

We parked our bikes and went off to the 5K.  My legs felt like cold cement and the rain kept coming down.   As Pauly and I made our way, we saw our fellow Triathletes headed back from the run.   I again told Paul he could go forward, I was so tired and beat from the rain.  He had so much more in him and I was drained.  He refused, he told me he was in this with me all the way.  We talked about how our lives have changed and what it means to push yourself in new challenges.  He stuck with me and pushed me the whole way.  I don’t even know how long the 5K took us, but at some point, I stopped caring about time, and started caring about what accomplish this meant to me.  We came in as the last peeps (7 of us total) with a very warm and encouraging welcoming.  The best part about being last, I have the largest cheering crowd.  My Tri family always helps make me feel proud of myself.

Paul and I finishing up the 5K

I learned so much from this Tri, in fact, I came away from this experience with a new outlook.
1-      Every time I’m willing to push myself and challenge myself, I learn something new about myself
2-      Every time I’m willing to push myself and challenge myself, I grow and get stronger
3-      I will let my body decide how far I can push myself, not my mind as my mind holds me back
4-      I have a wonderful group of friends that love me and are crazy cool amazing
5-      My blog readers inspire me to challenge myself
6-      I’m starting to learn to trust myself and my body
7-      While rain my slow me down, I’m still Unstoppable Mariah
8-      I may never be really fast, but I’ll always finish
9-      I am an athlete!

I wish I could package up the feeling I get when I finish a Triathlon and give it as a gift.  I wish I could give someone an ounce of feeling unstoppable because it’s change me to the core.  The way I deal with all things are different because I’m able to see more clearly.  I’m working on organizing a group to do the YWCA Tri next year in August.  My goal is to get 25 women to join me in this event.  This is my way to pay it forward for all of you who have invested in me. 

Unstoppable "even in the rain" Mariah

Monday, May 2, 2011

Trying in the Rain (Part 1)

I have so much to share I'm breaking it up into two posts.   First I have to tell you my great news, I got the all clear for layoffs today and am safe :)   Now onto my tri on Saturday. The whole week I had been nervous about the rain, but by Friday I had decided to just go with the flow.  Based on Saturday's weather I'm so glad I took that approach.  Friday at work came and went with no work news (whoo hooo, I still have a job) and  I was looking forward to "carb loading" at Olive Garden with a nice glass of wine.  Paul, Belle and I met Molly at the restaurant.  We all only at 1/2 of our dinners in honor of our healthy lifestyles, they were SO DELISH (except for Belle).  I wanted to drool, and the glass of wine with dinner, heavenly. 

It was a nice relaxing way to close out the week in preparation for the next morning.  We ran a few extra errands as I need a few supplies for the surprise I had for the newest Triathletes.  I want to present them with Award Certificates and medals.  I've always found it fun to have a physical representation besides sore muscles of such significant accomplishments.   We headed home put a few last things together and headed to bed.  I never seem to sleep well the night before any big event and Friday night was no exception to this,  as I heard the rain come down I tossed and turned hoping it would lighten up at least a little.

Race morning came fast at 5:00 am.  We awoke to the sounds of rain and wind, argh!  Thank goodness I was mentally prepared for crappy weather.  Paul was so sweet and made me a bagel breakfast sandwich in bed.  I had the nervous jitters of excitement of doing another Triathlon.  I was so excited for Paul, Molly and Ash-Leigh to get bitten by the Tri bug and to see Michelle and Heather.  I was also worried they might kill me since I was the one who found the event and invited them.  It was only like 40 degrees outside and it was really windy!  I had checked out the weather channel and the radar showed it wouldn’t be letting up anytime soon, in fact, harder rain was on its way. 

 We had a few challenged getting the bikes loaded and ready as the rain kept coming down.  I started wondering what the heck we were doing.  Why the heck were we up at 5:00 am Saturday on a cold, windy, raining spring day?   We got the bikes loaded up and hit the road.  In the car, Paul and I both started wondering what we got ourselves into?!  Then I remembered all of you out there and thought about why I challenge myself.  I do this to grow mentally and shrink physically :)

We got to Fitness Pro Spa and connected with the Tri group and our Friendly Trainer Jon we headed over to the transition area to set up our bikes.

We then headed to Foss Swimming School to start the Tri!   Stay tuned for a really awesome post later today or tmrw with the low down of event itself :)  I will give you a sneak peak and tell you, even rain couldn't stop UNSTOPPABLE MARIAH!
Unstoppable "crazy in the rain" Mariah